when i’m not worrying about humoguous registration fees, i’m fretting over what’s for dinner. it never stops when you’re me.

feel that i am in this need of detoxing. i feel so dirty somehow, and fat. i know it’s silly, but perhaps thats what being out of school for such a long time feels like. - you simply feel out of the world and in a terrible need to move your bones, exercise your mind. rice cakes are a wonderment. i have them for breakfast and then tao suan for lunch. very unhealthy. i feel yellow. i feel that my hands are shaky. i wonder what’s up with the family dinner this saturday. credit cards are such money-savers sometimes - when you have school fees to pay. i hope Jas’s condition is nothing serious. i wish we will get the 7 free movie tickets. i quite like mondays and wednesdays because i get to do my stuff slowly. i am happy when i get to sell off my stuff :) i wish wish friend and i will get the job soon :)

i feel sweaty and sticky right now because i’m sweeping the floor halfway. AND i watched New Moon’s preview last night and am happy to have something to look forward to :>

–

this Friday + weekend have me fully hooked onto a taiwan police drama Black & White, starring Zai Zai :) thanks to the DVDs, we have finished the enitre 24 episodes in 3 days! very very exciting and thrilling with so many twists that i can faint from shock, i’m anticipating a Part 2 — i hope there’s one!! i believe that the world is mostly tinted in grey. just like humans. we arent totally good, we have our ugly moments tucked away somewhere. the good side VS the bad. what colour are you? :)

–

yay, and we just might get 7 free movie tickets :) hmm, love tea + milk.

–

just received a xxx letter from university. really money-suckers lahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! i sure hope all these random fees wont bankrupt us before i can graduate in peace. ARGH. one fee after another!

am officially jobless.

it’s irky how feeling a tad depressed can be. when you’re feeling depressed, the first thing i will do is to stuck my head into the fridge. and then i will grab the first thing i see — today, it happens to be a half-eaten mars bar. and then you will chew chew chew and think i will feel better after this, i mean arent this suppose to be the chocolate’s job? to cheer people up? before you can finish the last 3 bites, you started feeling panicky and guilty and stuck the remaining 1/8 of the bar back into the fridge. and starts to down in lots of water. then you feel bloated. and even shittier. and you end up worse than before.

dont believe in chocolates, they’re lying when they say it makes you feel better.

**i do feel like this impossible girl who people find impossible to get along.

… and. AND. and. i dreamt of him again. ARGHHHH. i think the fault lies in his current re-surface out from Facebook. i tell you facebook is the horror of all. im truly am so glad i do not have an account. i see his pictures and each one feels like a slap across my face. he looks soooooo damn good. :( how can anyone looks this good?

*ROARRRRR*throws tantrum*

i think i know why i dont feel good today.

UPDATE: okay, am feeling a tweet better :) i got mail!!!

and i cant even write properly now. the cursor kept blinking, prompting me.. but i dont know how to say it out aloud. okay, type it out aloud.

i am sad. angry. pissed. jealous.

feel like i’m on the road to insanity.. why is she like that? why is it that she wants every single thing that i want? why is she always copying my everything? if dropping out or quitting school means i dont need to see her again, that very idea seems incredibly tempting now. sometimes enough is enough. i’m very flustered. my heart feel like it’s in a big tight knot.

sighed. *bang my head in frustration*

another thing is.. school. in less than 50 days time, i’ll be sitting in the examination room, the paper in my hands. i’m not ready. not even 50% ready. everything suddenly seems so hard now. picking the easier way out of flunking everything, seems ideal.

i’m sucha loser.

still am, still are, unchanged.

i’m not happy.

girl in the mirror, you’re not that likeable.

little me arent really scared huh.

i’m soooo dead and i’m just beginning to feel the heavy waves of stress.. YOU DESERVED IT!

**

due to the heavy downpour today, i decided to cook YH and me lunch. last week, i cooked us curry maggie mee with crab sticks and hotdogs. ended up that the hotdogs arent even fully cooked! thank goodness none of us ran for the toilet. so this time, i decided to cook mian xian with hotdogs (again!!) and an egg. YES!!! YOU READ IT CORRECTLY!!! i can now cracked an egg without shells dropping into the egg white/yolk!! it’s absolutely perfecto! *proud* i was amazed. well, perhaps i’m just gifted in cooking and i only realized it till now =)

this time, once the water starts boiling, i threw in the nicely-cut hotdogs to prevent any uncookness.. and it turns out terrific!! i think my cooking skills arent very bad actually but if you asked my dear brother, he’ll sure beg to differ. but i still think i’m improving! even if they’re easy to cook stuff.

taste very nice!!! of course.. the bak kua was a nice addition..

**

re-read my morning enty and boy, dont i sound cheesy?! =)

**

i’m reading someone’s blog and envy envy envy!

**

hehe, i just spread manuka honey all over my face just now! any effects? well, i’ll only see them in the morning!

you’re a chance that i have let go. perhaps.. you do miss me a little too?

***

back to reality. the paper is a day away.. worry and feeling sick with fear.. doing nothing whatsoever over it.. for the umpteen time, i do feel that i might be better off not studying.

the grass is always always greener on the other side. i bet i will miss studying if i choose to drop out!

finicky fickle minded you. if only i’m smarter.. then perhaps i wont feel like a loser..

so my homework is pretty much these: skincare and schoolwork (which is TERRIBLE, i tell you. we practically made airport our home in the past weeks of mugging there.. and spending loads of $$$ on the food and cheer-me-up snacks! imagine your bank account breaking out in $20’s every two days. am very broke now!) the gst money did not help. almost gone now.. but my bills is still piling up. =X

another paper next week. i have no confidence. it’s hard to imagine that in about a couple of weeks’ time, the real exams will arrive and i’m afraid i will say that i’m still ill-prepared. i’m nervous to the bones. jittery, flittery, buttery in the knees. the idea of the finals make me sick.

it’s like another O levels but 20 times harder!

hehe. i’m loving Jennifer Aniston. caught He’s Just Not That Into You and Marley And Me. both wonderful shows! Marley and Me made me teared. why do Marley have to die?? life sure aint fair. even in movies.

suckie biggie time! am in the deepest shit. feel that this studying route arent for me. wanting to quit but how can i, with all there thousands being spent already?

guardian angel, please help me.

i cant wait.

contact lens seems to be the thing that poor me couldnt afford right now. it sucks not having extra money to spend. i’m practically counting every single penny these days. like, picking cheap cream chicken pasta over ridiculously-priced but yummy black pepper chicken pasta. old cheapo me. and i’m rather health conscious now (at least today) and i did a wonderful job of forgo-ing the irresistable Maggie for chocolate milk! okay, it’s still chocolate, but still.

-

am very tired. am very stressed. school is killing me and i have yet to be hit b the full blown of my reality. this sure sucks. i hope my new mycin gel will cheer me up!

practically drooling on my shoulder and falling off the chair. need some sleep. be right back.