this week is Batman Week! caught The Dark Knight and i lovee loveee it. Batman Begins was showing tonight and though it’s rather boring in the beginning, i still love Christian Bale :) but TDK is definitely better than part 1! i just hoped that there will be a part 3!

heartfelt movie. i was thinking, how can Rachel die!!! (though i dont like her, but she is Bruce’s love!)
sighed. please please please tell me there is a part 3!

Friday -

tau huai breakfast.

these few days, i realized i had since stopped flipping through MyPaper to read my horoscope. it just doesnt seems that fun anymore now that Z isnt here to read them out aloud. i dont even know if he is back yet, part of me refused to acknowledge the fact that i want to know, quite badly. everything is so contradictory, i just dont know. i’m happy that friday is finally here, and i might be taking off on monday to collect the laptop, pluck my eyebrows and tuesday i will be back in this shithole. a rather nice shithole actually, the environment is nice and friendly, people just dont care if yoou arrive to work late just as long as you get the job done, and time flies. perhaps i dont have the most intriguing company (read: TC), but i shouldnt keep complaining so much, the saint in me advises. ha. but i’ve been very mean and evil lately.

TC asked why-dont-we-go-and-catch-batman-together-on-monday.

and i gave him the look. he got to be kidding me.
 
Thursday -

11:54pm. freezing.
i hate getting stuck in circumstances or situations that i have no idea how to handle. so i stand there, fumbling awkwardly, cluelessly, desperately waiting for some distraction. i hate telling people our dates are off and can we meet another day? but sometimes, you just dont have a choice.
 
Z was a firm believer that everything has a choice, it’s all up to you. i beg to differ, i dont think it’s that easy. if i have a choice, i wont be here in this starkingly cold room, with a blockhead for company, if i have a choice, i would rather go eat lunch alone, if i have a choice, i would confess to Z, if i have a choice, i would - the list is endless. perhaps, we do always have a choice, one way or the other, but we will always pick the choice that we have no choice but to pick. it’s like a crossroad; there are more than one path you could have take, but you will always pick the best and safest way out of the four. — ah, life.
 
1:59pm
lunch was almost, almost good. i didnt feel like flaring up much, probably cos today is thursday, and then after tomorrow, i will have 2 days of break from seeing him. the sad thing was, remember the f21 necklace that i was so excited about? well, the spree was cancelled :(, so i have no choice but to quickly look for another spree, took my nets card to transfer the money asap. the necklace is important to me cos i wanted one for AGES. and finally, when i already thought i will get it, the spree cancelled itself on me. hope this spree will go smoothly this time, i really really want this necklace!

8:58am
just reached work.
am bored.
yes, i still feeling like killing TC whenever he open his big stinky mouth
no, Z is not back yet, at least i still have not heard anything from him
i’m craving for Hellboy, Hancock or Batman movies. oh yes, i wanna watch Sex And the City :(
the moment i arrived, he started yakking about what work i have to do >:(
i’m wearing my new tanktop wheee
the boys at CUS side is rather freaky, they stopped yakking and keep staring whenever i walked by, made me feel like i’ve just sprout another arm or something. creepy weird.
S is okay now, he texted me last night!
i’ve been typing these entries in Gmail since last week. so many drafts!
Char’s bday is tomorrow :) what do you want?!! :D
i hope Jas’s colleagues can be nicer to her
i hope Ma’s aches would go away soon - i suggested going to X-ray last night and she just say, ‘See how.’ - BIG BIG SIGH.
i hope i will be nicer to TC, gah argh puke rah eck ack eww. come on, i’m a nice girl :) self-control!
 
oh yes did i mention.. that i got my pretty belts yesterday?
 
9:28am
ever since the Z, KY and D left, i realized i dont do stupid things anymore. i feel more somber, more quiet, more angry, more happy, more sad, almost like my loner self- anything but my that oblivious self who keep making stupid mistakes/acts, like pulling the door handle off or making silly remarks. work without Z is entirely a different thing. gone were the days where he would come to talk to me or cheer me up if i’m moody every morning, whining that he is hungry and he wants breakfast and asking me to go down to buy with him, he would laugh and shake his head whenever i took a straw for my hot tea, how he will open doors to let me pass first, reminding KY to make my fish soup noodles a special order cos i despise ginger, how he will always sit beside me even when there are empty seats around, our tickling fights, our lengthy heart-to-heart talks - i cant help but wonder if he does all these things to his gf too. of cos, more obviously. who am i kidding? i’m green with envy.
 
perhaps TC is really driving me out of my mind thats why i’m missing him more than ever. by the way, i realized TC looks like my kid bro. not as in he and my bro is alike, THEY ARE SO NOT, thankfully - i mean it in a way that he is so small sized and short and whenever i stand next to him, i got this feeling that i’m bringing my little brother out shopping - he looks like a 14 year old! i told him so on monday hahahahahahaha. gosh, am i very evil :)

2:41pm
back from lunch! boring lunch. we went LJS and it’s sooo boring. it’s like, he expects me to start a conversation EVERYTIME, and when i refused and just keep quiet, he will keep staring at me, its plain annoying. i’m so annoyed that over the past hour, i blurted out that he is a blockwood, i cant click with him at all, he is boring, he is too anti social, all those not very nice things. i feel great while telling him those. the only drawback is that they arent enough. perhaps i’m totally judging him on the exterior, perhaps he deserve a bit of sack, perhaps i’m too selfish and unkind, but well lets just say that i totally dislike him.
 
3:26pm
i’m totally bored now, no one is listening to me whine, i’m not going to engage in any chat with him i’m bored enough that its thank you. i’m whining LOT these days i realized, whining is all i’m capable of! the remains of LJS chicken is still in my stomach with sprite and i wish we had eaten something else today. i have enough breakouts. argh. i wish i bought my book along today!!! no MyPaper either, cos i was late for the train. le sigh.
 
i cant wait to knock off. another 2.5 hours! and anyway.. my supposed-savings plan failed this week. i’ve just gotten my pay last week and it’s almost gone now. i’m really not discipline enough huh? i dont have the endurance to NOT spend. when i see something pretty, i want to own it. not cos it’s a need but well, a want, a desire burning somewhere in the depths of my brain hahahaha. i hate my freaking attitude. Ma is going to be so disappointed if she knows. so is Pa i think. i’m the most disappointing daughter in the world. tell me something new!
 
4:10pm
at this time, ths CUS side people are so noisy, and i still have no one to talk to :( pretty free right now, appeals are done and gone, and i’m left with this 3 big boxes of extra paperwork. i cant imagine working in this kind of paperwork life 3 years later!
 
randomly, i REALLY need to get to LaSenza and grab my reservation stuff or Lia and Shaz might kill me soon haha! i want my greeeeen bra! maybe after next week pay!

oh yes the most embarrassing happened just now! i almost became the JOKE of the whole department. apparently, my swishy skirt wasnt adjusted properly when i came out of the toilet (it was tucked up at the back, thus showing my underwear!), and LUCKILY, the nice lady in the toilet washing her hands told me before i went back and humiliated myself!

phew, thank goodness that there are still nice people around :) i shouldnt feel hopeless afterall!

-

exactly 12 more weekdays.. and i finished The Adultery Club which was good! now starting on Tall Poppies by Louise Bagshawe :D gosh, i’m such a nerd!

tired. this is how i feel today; while standing on the train, i could close my eyes and drift off until the train took a turn and jerk me awake with shock. and then it will repeat all over again - this is how exhuasted i am. i’m even typing this with half-open eyes now. S is angry with me, i didnt do as i promise to reply him last night, i’ve forgotten. which brings me to think that perhaps i really dont like him that much anymore, even as friends. hmm, new thought huh? maybe i should do something tonight.
 
right now, there are new stuff to do and i think it beats registering new appeals. i bought my new book along today, The Adultery Club, it’s brilliant :) sigh, i’m such a nerd.

10:07am
this TC is so boring. apparently, i just chanced upon something interesting while doing paperwork and i was excitedly turning back to share, and the moment he saw that i got something to share, he wanna come over! (maybe you dont know but i cant stand him standing very near me, but if faraway i still can try being nice) so i was like, YOU STAY THERE DONT NEED TO COME OVER that kinda words spilled out from my mouth. annoyingly he come over anyway and i lost all the ethusiam to share anything with him. he is so disgustingly boring, picking up my paperwork and trying to see whats so interesting. it pisses me off i dont know why. i think it’s his face.. and no i dont mean it in the swallow way though interestingly, it might be one of the factors, oops. sigh times like these, i wish it is Z who stayed and not.. this fellow. i missed you Z. you must be rowing a boat somewhere in Penang with her.
 
2:01pm
back from lunch of duck rice with alot of bones (i’m mostly just eating plain rice with abit of gravy) and grass jelly drink which we drank while walked into Chinatown and back. he is so freaking annoying - commenting on every action i was making or any words that i was speaking. when i dont talk at all and just keep walking, looking in front, HE ALSO GOT THING TO SAY! i’m so irritated, he is so childish and kiddy, i told him he feels like a little brother (not in the kinship way mind you, i mean his actions and his appearance) and he was defensive and say he is taller than me. yeah, 2cm.
 
i wish Z is back.. i need to rant to someone who understands, though KH is currently my TC ranting machine now. thank you, KH!
 
i need jellybeans, hellp pandas and yam yams please.
 
so gloomy.. AND ITS RAINING NOW SUITS MY MOOD.
 
how was your tuesday afternoon? :) 3 more days till the weekends! i cant wait for another brekkie session :)
 
4:48pm
i’m freezing here.
 
it’s cold and quiet.
 
i miss Pa alot.
 
i wish i can see him again.

we’re always wishing for things that wont come true arent we?

i got this ridiculous feeling that..
 
that irritating as hell TC is clearing the seat next to me so he can move over. OMG. (Z and I was betting over the phone that he will move over once D is gone now. and i insisted that he wont. we bet over.. my hot-pink pen which he brought back with him on his last day)
 
he has been fluttering around me, in front of me, behind me, beside me since.. half and hour ago. i have no idea at all what he is doing ^!#$ @ annoyed like hell now. he is like, clearing every inch of the table, walking here and there, moving this and that, asking me if i want this and that, throwing away things, moving my Vitasoy over to me (trying to be nice i suppose, ack) and everything he is doing right now just pisses me off.
 
oh yeah, Ced just walked by and asked very loudly, ‘why both of you sit so faraway from each other? Cant get along?’
 
ha, what do you think? i cant even stand talking to him for more than 5 minutes!
 
—-
 
quoted from Z, ‘you’re like the rubbish bin that attracts many flies.’ he titters,’.. and cockroaches.’ he couldnt resist adding. i just find the way he describes me so amusing! okay lah, he is insulting me mildly but i still think it’s funny. anyway, he left for Penang last friday, and he will be back only on wednesday… and by then i supposed that he would have already forgotten about my existence already. a week of vacation with his lovely demure gf.. must be in wonderland now!
 
my heart is coping fine, in case you are wondering.. (for now)

11:02am
he is not swapping seats :D - yet.
 
that cheeky D! he just sms me 10am in the morning asking me how is work! i know he is gloating, i just know it!
 
S is in army camp now. i only knew this morning! he texted me last night asking if i had slept already and this morning, he replied that he is in camp and can only talk to me at night :) and J.. at 8am in the morning, can you believe he is still up and awake and havent sleep at all? he, too sent be a text asking how’s my morning :) but i suspect he had since drift off to some lalaland cos he didnt reply back ah-ha!
 
you know, i have this bad habit of not replying to messages when i’m super busy or occupied.
 
check this sentence out:
‘You’re cosine and I’m sine, because together we’re 1.’ (cos square x + sin square x = 1)
 
ahahaha, lame, but super cute!
 
for the first time in weeks.. i am all cleared of things to do!
 
reminder to self: cut fingernails - it’s so hard to type with these frigging nails!
 
–
 
11:33am
i’m so so so happy that i’ve managed to secure an order of the F21 necklace that i had been eyeing since beginning of the year but it’s always OOS! but hahaha, it’s mine now! and today i’m wearing my new top and new heels which is so comfortable. sigh ignore me, its a boring day.
 
2:21pm
half an hour ago, we just came back from lunch from the uber popular stall which sells sliced fish soup mee. totally awesome, my tummy feels very contented right now! things between TC and me is going.. okay i suppose. at least, today i dont feel like strangling him or kicking him somewhere where it would really hurt. we went MPH again cos it was too early.. and so now we’re back and he is still sitting behind me (thankfully) but he walked over a dozen times looking over the shoulder to see what i am doing. KPO!
 
sigh. another 14 weekdays to try to get along with him.
-
 
ohh and yesterday, i tried my $9.99 size 35 heels again and i realized.. it’s actually a size too small. apparently, the aunty in me refused to acknowledge that particular fact at the time when i was trying it on at the shop - once the saleslady told me it was on sale and is the last pair, i knew i have to get it. just then, the fact that i normally wear a size 36 did not occur to me, or maybe it had but it seems so insignificant when your mind is overcrowded with thoughts of ‘omg this is uber super extremely incredibly CHEAP and NICE!!!!!" rewinding in your head like an over-excited broken record. my poor feet.

WONDERFUL SATURDAY!

today is a great day cos i joined Jas, Xavier and her friend for breakfast at Macs, which i’m craving for soooooo long! i get to have the McGriddles meal which was yummyX10 - i’m such a noob cos it came out so long ago and i only tried it now - and we came home with 2 new pairs of shoes for me, several new reads, a bag of honey and chrysanthemum drinks and a blue green balloons! yay, simple yet satisfying(: the heels were so frigging cheap, i bought one pair for $9.90 and the other just for $15! teeheehee, i’m floating among the clouds. what to do, i’m a total cheapkate :D sales are so frigging wonderful! i love shopping! oops. AND I RECEIVED MY MANGO CROPPED BERMS TOO. le sigh, i’m feeling great!

hmm, honey lemon drink rocks! 

should i go grandma’s house for home-made nasi lemak?

3:05pm
he called to talk for 42 minutes, he texted me last night, but i only see it in the morning. he is of so many things. i am feeling very confused right now. but can someone just tell me how come he is always either calling or texting me?
 
dont give me these hope when there arent any. and it’s always just when i am about to get used to the fact that you are gone, you appeared out of the blue.

there’s always so much to talk about, with him. i dont particularly enjoy chats but.. sometimes, there is always an exception.
 
-
 
i’m feeling peaceful, calm about the whole irritaing colleague issue, i can survive, whats so hard about this? indeed. if i cant even withstand his irritating-ness, then i shall write and renamed my name backwards!

**i got some shopping done!

**currently reading, Queen of Babble by Meg Cabot which is uber funny :)

**i wanna watch Red Cliff, Hellboy and Batman - The Dark Knight! - cant wait, so excited! -

**been meaning to do the meme that Char tagged but i’m still thinking what habits and facts can i share! tee hee. actually the problem is that i’m trying to come up with 7 of them.

**today was D’s last day. somehow, he will be missed.

**i’m rather pissed off by my eldest sister.

.. how random can i get!

9:12am - 3 annoying things that make me grumpy
#1 sleepy mood. was even dozing off while standing on the train. wet puddles everywhere. did it rain? i didnt sense it. tiny rain drops flecking on the window. i got a sudden craving for Macs breakfast.. hm, perhaps on saturday? hang on there, just 1 more day to go.
 
#2 i suddenly remembered what Jas was telling me last night, while i was sitting next to her, using her laptop, talking about Z: "why? he should be out of the picture now.", was her declaration.
 
i suppose, she is right. it’s just that i’m dont bear to let go. stupid me.
 
#3 Da is being annoying this morning - "does this top match with these shorts?" - a simple question right?
 
"yes, its okay." - a simple answer, no?
 
and she had to ask like, 5 times, and i just keep repeating yesyesyesyesyes. sometimes i just dont get her. ah, the thursday blues. i cant wait for tomorrow.
 
11:11am -The Perfect Timing
whoa, time is going by so slow. so far, my morning consists of stuffing my mouth with ChocoBaby chocs, pasting Post-its all over my desk - my CPU is all crammed full! - drinking water to curb my hunger pangs, putting on and licking off my lipbalm - kinda gross i know, but i didnt even realized that i’m licking it off - ranting to Chris about my workload, some online-window-shopping… and what else. all really mundane stuff that makes me wanna cry. i wish there will be something interesting, like a new cute temp stuff maybe.
 
while on the way to work, i realized that for this week, i had only withdraw out 20bucks on monday, and i am still able to last until now - unlike the other weeks where i almost have to withdraw $$ everyday due to the expensive food we have for lunch. but for this week, not anymore! hmmm. it is good in a way.. but weird in the other.
 
2:26pm
back from KFC lunch and i’m uber pissed. you really disgust me everyday, without fail. today i thought i can be nicer or treat you like i treat others, but - congrats your behaviour proved me wrong once again and i feel so stupid for ever thinking that i just might get along with you for the next 3 weeks. PPFFFTTT.
 
before you keep saying i have no looks or is stupid and useless - please look into the mirror and tell me what you see. fact is, i think you’re much worse than me :)
 
-shant get angry shant get angry- x100
 
4:53pm
i’m feeling great right now becos.. i finished all my work! and oh no, i’m spending money again.

8:46am
just reached work and gah, i feel tired. there’s no one who will greet me HELLO loudly or remarked how he knew it was me coming down the door cos the way my heels clacked on the floor - anymore. i still feel like shit from all the crying last night. luckily my eyes werent swollen this morning, though my face is still as bad. swept the floor just now, Ma was out to the market to buy ingredients to cook later - today is Pa’s father’s death anniversary. i didnt help out to clean the house, or tidy my own bedroom, and cos of this, i’m feeling damn guilty. sigh, i’m seriously am useless. and my irritating aunt is coming later to help out with the offerings and stuff. i wished i did stay home so i can protect Ma from her or something. she is thse kind of %@#! woman who is always all talk and no action. in short, i hate her. i hope she still remember that Pa is her youngest brother.
 
now back to registering cases (oh joy) and 23 more days till i’m out of this shit hole.
 
9:15am
why oh why does he have to describe every single detail of his job to us? like, ‘i’m suppose to take the big file, but i took the small one instead!’ or ‘i just sent this person a letter requesting for his NOA yesterday and today his NOA came in!’ - i’m not interested so please shut up thank you. sigh, imagine i have to spend another 3 weeks and 3 days with him, and i wanna faint.

10:42am
just finished 100 cases. i was texting KH and whining to him about the another-23-days thing and it gets to me that some people seriously have no consolation skills at all. and i thought i was the worse! note to self: never whine/rant to KH and expect some sympathy in return. last night he chatted me up on MSN and i was crying then. he tried to console me by telling things that i know, like i should be strong, Pa wouldnt want to see me like this yada yada, the same old stuff i hear just about a thousand times. then again, i feel like i should give him a break. - what do i expect people to say when i’m depressed? i’m just seeking for some comfort that no one can give. sometimes, a listener is all i ever need.
 
i’m so bored here now, have done the usual things of reapplying my lip candy balm twice so far, texted a few people to pester, read a few blogs (currently i like LMD), and lastly i had finished the usual routine of reading my horoscope on MyPaper. not that i believe (okay actually i do), but they are not true anyway! reading horoscopes had just become our daily routine of reading them aloud (Z and me) and gossiping about the accuracy of it. it was silly, but fun. now it’s just me alone in this routine, and who can i laugh out loud at those stupid things it says?
 
2:33pm
back from lunch at tiong bahru and the black pepper chicken rice with shark fin soup is scrummy yummy! had fun texting with KH, he is kind of like my perk-up today :) went to talk to Sharlene and i’m so terribly envious of her clear complexion! -sulks-
 
am drinking the Vitasoy that the 3 of us bought in a pack of 6. much need calcium :)! this fulfill my new plan of drinking a packet of milk a day!
 
2:41pm
hmm, Z is right. i do apply my candy lipbalm once every 10 minutes!
 
2:47pm
i still have not finished ranting/whining to KH about TC. i’m such a whiner that i think i cant even stand myself. luckily, he totally understands me :)
 
5:08pm
oh god what a sleepy day :( today is worse than yesterday, i almost smacked my forehead against the table top cos i was really dozing off.. and the CUS side people got a call from a member asking for Z. this makes me missed him even more, le sigh. work arent fun anymore - D and TC are alright i suppose, but not FUN.

..er.. 52 more minutes.

2:37pm - Stoning
the rain is falling. it looks like snow from my window. it feels cold here, the blasting air from the air-con tingling with the cold breeze outside. it feels very stale, empty silence hanging over the air, and at the same time, the place is totally noisy, calls from the CUS officers from the back - we are just separated by a reddish pink panel, and every ring of the phone, every impatient conversations could be heard from here.
 
right now, i’m feeling the sinking realization that how working life here is without him - boring, empty, meaningless, helpless, frustrating.
 
i’m a total fool. - but happy thing is, he bothered to text me in the morning, just before lunch :)

2:41pm -
the rain is still coming down fast. from my view here, all the high and mighty buildings and the carpark looks unreal, like something is blocking the reality and the smoky facade. i love such weathers, i wish i have my pillow here, i wish i was anywhere but here, i wish i wish, that he is here beside me.
 
thursday is payday and that make me feel slightly cheered up. things will get better wont they? i used to anticipate everyday of work, but right now, where had all those pure enthusiam gone to? that very existence that make my heart beat a beat extra faster, the bounce in my footsteps a tad lighter, that smile a bit wider, the laughter lightening up the atmostphere x10 times over - isnt here anymore. how reality strucks you, it’s incredibly ridiculous sometimes. over the weekends, havent i been strong? havent i told myself that i could survive? how wrong i was, indeed. - and why he didnt reply my last msg? - i’m pathetic, hello, i admit.
 
you know, over lunch with chris gang, they keep teasing me where my "boyfriend" had went to. reminders of you keep jumping in all sorts of conversations and circumstances. topics of you were endless. i was smiling, grinning, laughing like a fool. no one knew, that i actually miss you so much.
 
3:28pm -
for the millionth time, thank goodness for Guardian’s Cherry flavoured Lip Moisturiser - it’s taste exactly like candy (!), brightens the dull stale air and heavy fuzzy noise of quick discussions at the back and the tip-tappying of keys here, plus keep my lips in a totally yummy lip-smacking state. my pink and silver tube, i love you!
 
sigh, the last friday, you’re still here, talking crap with me. hard to believe that i’m missing your tickles! hard to believe that i’m sounding so pitiful and lovesick ugh i hate this side of me. ooh, the boys are off to buy hot cozy drinks. i opted for hot tea. this reminds me how you and i used to run off to coffee breaks like this, coffee&toast where we got your breakfast, and usually, my hot teh with straw :D, just you and i. -sigh-
 
3:43pm
omg my big mouth - Doris came to ask i am available until when and i immediately blurted out 8 of august without thinking! somebody stab me please :( and my most hated enemy is staying with me till for another 3 weeks and 4 days. ARGH. Doris asked him to accompany me for another one week as initially he is staying for just another 2 weeks. and he readily agreed so as to "accompany" me! ugh, puke, eek, ack, argh i so dont want his company hello. - what have i gotten myself into? but i need the money, money should come first. so stop hitting yourself over it (yeah riiiggght). just another 24 days and you will be gone from this hell hole - poof.
 
4:44pm - Drinking tea TC forced on us, ack
omgosh, i’m so bubbly happy right now! i’m sure you can guess why :D GUESS WHO CALLED :D:D him, of cos. the moment i texted him about the disaster above, he called me and when i picked up, he was on the other side, laughing his ass off! again his theory about how TC is smitten with me - i so do not want to think about it. i hope he is wrong, cos i’m incredibly disgusted with him! so, i’m sure he is wrong. anyway, that fellow enemy is not important - the call is. it’s amazing how dizzily relieved and happy i could feel with just one phone call, hearing the sound of his tinkling laughter down the other line. it was a very delicious and heart-warming feeling. nothing could beat this other than Ma’s ‘have a nice day!’ :)
 
anyway, the whole convo mostly involved him laughing his guts out and saying ‘you’re stupid’, ‘you really cannot make it’, laughing all over again - gosh the entire point of him making the call is to laugh at me, he says. and yeah, the moment i say hello, he was laughing and saying AHAHAHAHAH, i’m calling so you can hear my laughter, AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!’. see, some excellent taste i got for guys. the call lasted for around 15 minutes, from the office all the way to the toilet, and back to the closed corridor where i was squatting on one side of the wall, doubled over with laughter (a random passer-by went by and i think he thinks i’m mad), and back to the office again where we said byes, and ending with his laughter AGAIN echoing down the phone line. i swear i still can hear his laugh even after we hung up. i’ve never knew laughter is such a great feeling, until today.
 
5:02pm - Drank half-cup of tea and thanks to it i badly want to pee
but i’m lazy, ah-ha. left with barely an hour and i’m off to movies with my lil brother :) speaking of which, i just told D that i’m watching Get Smart and guess what that smart-alec-in-a-cute-way says?
 
"watch for what? you also wont become smarter one!" -insert his evil grin-
 
haha, D, you’re sooooo funny. but i like it :) D just went crazy just now - by drawing all the long, gray curtains wide open. see, we have pretty tall ceilings and half-length windows. so you can imagine how part of our office looked like now. - extremely wide view of the buildings outside where you can almost see where’s the sun shining at and the entire office was lit up x100. even this screen now looks too bright to see! gosh if my eyesight increased, it will be his fault. plus this mad-drawing-curtains kind of thing has revealed us to the very dirt-specked windows and dusty window sills. very eeeky but we have an almost splendid view. beats the old boring gray mood!
 
okay, back to work! yeah, i’m almost finishing. yeah. yeah, just about.. er, 300 left cases to register. eck. in just another 53 minutes, i will be gone! AHAHAHAHA.
 
5:14pm -
doing this kind of entry gets the day running faster. hmm, i should do this more often! it’s dry and boring posts, but at least i’m distracted by something else other than those boring heaps of appeals that are keep stacking up.
 
#1 anyway, i was toying with the rosy-cheeked bunny that left from the arcade soft toys that Jason brought along on his last day, that D has on his table cos he think its cute and we kept teasing him that he should give it to the ‘ba ba’ (plump) girl who he thinks is cute over at the CUS side (which is literally behind us, separated by the reddish-pink panel!) and i was asking him ‘why dont you gave it to me, Derrick.’ and he laughed and say ‘wait till you become more ba, than maybe.’ HAHAHA, D is always so amusing.
 
#2 D suddenly stood up and says to me ‘hey the window is dirty’ (something which i just commented an hour ago and he answered back by asking me to go wipe the windows as one of my duties, pfft!)
 
so i looked at him and told him not to steal my line. and while at that, i stood up and try to open the window fastener.

me: ‘hey, can open!’
 
he: ‘hey dont do silly things, later you might fall over.’

somehow, i laughed (i laughed alot over work and nonsense everyday dont ask me why). he thinks for awhile and then says in a assuring tone, ‘but never mind, you’re not tall enough’, meaning to insult that i’m not tall enough to fall over the window sill in case i managed to open the window. @#$@#!
 
half an hour more yay! shit the 300 cases are not getting any lesser.

12:13am - Now
i’m back from Get Smart movie with Hao! i wanna find a good picture with The Rock inside but why i cant find any! anyway, the movie KICKASS. it’s damn good, everybody should go catch it and have a good laugh :) i havent enjoy such a good action-packed comedy in ages. and and, i totally heart The Rock - why - cos he is hot and Pa likes his movies. one of the reasons i wanna catch it, well this is it.

-

in between laughing while clutching my stomach, tears started to fill my eyes at a scene where The Rock was fighting. i was feeling the grief, of Pa not able to catch it with us, not able to enjoy what we were enjoying, and that he will never be here ever again - no matter how hard i was to pray, to hope, to wish, to cry. i felt so lost, so painful, so helpless, as i sat in the comfortable GV seats, with each scenes flashing in my eyes, laughter filling the entire theatre, i was lost. nothing could have describe the dull ache in my heart then. and then i was thinking, was i ever sure that Pa likes The Rock? fact is, i wasnt that sure. all i knew was, he was always watching WWF, a couple of The Rock movies - and then i had just assume that he likes that wrestler/actor. all along, it was just an assumption. i wasnt sure of what are his likes and dislikes, i never did take time to find out. never did i sit next to him and have a heart-to-heart talk, never did i asked if he was tired from a day’s work, does he need help ironing his clothes, washing his plates? does he need me to massage or scratch his back for him? - i never did take the initiative to ask. all along, i simply assumed. assumed that he was alright, assumed he doesnt need me, not my help, not my concerns. no wonder people always says that by assuming, you’re making an ass out of you and me. indeed. assumptions kills.

all along, i’m taking so many things for granted. i am always judging things by its cover. - just when will i ever learn?

i miss you so much everyday, every night, most often when i am alone. the times i cried, the despair, the guilt and remorse, there’s nothing i could do to salvage anything for you - you’re gone now, you will never come back. 8 months and counting, the clock just keep on ticking, it never stops. and the ache for you, had never once left.

Pa, i love you so much, could you have guess, even if i never once tell you face to face?

whats the point of writing it here, of crying, of blaming myself? - you will never come back, it’s all too late.

JUST WHEN WILL I EVER LEARN - i hate myself.

everyone is away to pinic and cycling at Pasir Ris Park, and i have to forgo the whole thing cos my face seems to be infected.. and god knows what furthur damage the sun would do. - sigh, i was so looking forward to it yesterday. so today, i’m stuck home with no food (probably maggie if i got hungry, and chocolate chip cake!), my Lipstick Jungle paperback (pretty awesome read!), and those tempting sprees clouding over my vision with every click of the mouse. - but just in case if you haven realized, girl, you’re almost broke!

UPDATE:

so today, i drank 2 glasses of water, 1 glass of guava juice, 1 glass of strawberry yoghurt milk and 1 apple-flavoured yakult. i hoped all have effective cleansing and detoxifying effects! had sesame maggie mee for lunch, which i almost didnt cos i wasnt hungry. folded the basket of freshly washed laundry and hey at least i did something useful today! saw like 3 pretty tops that i liked, including an epilator that i badly wanna get but money woes are stopping me.

so i spent sunday prepping up my face with lots of nonsense. - asprin, this purple liquid that smell of paint and acne patches. i swear once my complexion goes back to normal, i will not be lazy to take good care of it anymore :(

and i caught Z online but i didnt bother him, in fact, upon seeing his nick, i click the (X) on the top right hand corner. - pats on my back for resisting. actually no, i just dont feel like chatting.