let’s just say perky morning :)

but in actual fact, i’m feeling anything but that. my eyes is blinking dry, and i just feel so so so tired. i didnt have a good sleep last night and today just dont feel very uh, graduation-y. oh, it’s graduation! again, i’m feeling anything but that.

i’m all butterflies right now, feeling the jitters of excitement and nervousness. i hate feeling this way. i hate not being in control of my emotions. but i just cant push back these feelings and say. ‘no, it doesnt bothers me.’ it did, and i’m so so nervous. nervous about meeting my classmates for what seem like the longest time, nervous that my mum, aunt and cousins would be bored to death, nervous about not taking enough pictures, nervous about tripping on my feet when i went up the stage to collect the folder. sigh!

UPDATE:

i’m back and no, i did not tripped over my own feet while my heels clacked over the red carpet, in case you’re wondering. in fact, today is one of the sweetest day ever and i’m sure im gonna be missing it over the long run. i love today! the robe turned out rather nice and i loved the photos that i took with Mum, and my friends. :) fish and co dinner of seafood platter which i shared with Ping was rather gross at the end, but i enjoyed the kola tonic. next outing? boy, i cant wait :)

and i’m incredibly touched that Mum and Jes came down, even if it’s only for a short while. loveeee. Pa, did you see me on stage today? somehow, i got this feeling that you were there. arent you?

today made me realized alot of things. it made me understand that i do have alot of choices actually. why bother sulking over one particular person who will just be a waste of time and feelings in the end while i do have the choice to turn my attentions to someone who is always so awfully lovely to me. aw, i like this feeling. i like smiling over at you when our eyes met, i like standing beside you, looking up and seeing you grinning down at me. i love your smile.

i’ve been struggling my feelings for you for the longest time and each time, when i backtracked, my eyes will be filled with more visions of you.

do you still remember the day. the day when you typed me the longest and sweetest message ever and told me, i like you.

 

SHOUTOUT: HEH, I’M FINALLY AND OFFICIALLY OUT!

i love talking to J; he perks me up :)

today, later, when i wake up, it’s gonna be an awesome day! for just a day, i want to forget about those annoying nagging fluttering issues. i’m not having butterfiles in my stomach - i’m not.

endless-paperwork-days.

thats my life now. i cant say i’m not enjoying it cos i’m having fun everyday. but the foolish mistakes i’m endlessly making it’s driving me crazy. i wish i can become smarter, wiser, stop my ability of making people laugh at me. a shitload pile of mistakes is pending at the moment. everytime footsteps stopped by my desk, and i looked up, i will see a smuggy smile mocking at me or a pair of serious eyes staring at me, a piece of paper dangling from her fingers. and then, i will feel the dismay - oh just what have i done now?

and this situation seems to be happening more frequently and it’s all in repetition. stop, rewind, play.

i could have come up with a whole lists of silly/funny comments made by me in this 3 weeks. rather too much dont you think? i’m being stupid, im so so stupid. of cos, you can say i’m not stupid, just brainless. okay, acceptable. i’m too tired to argue now haha.

in the midst of working, waking up early, coming home late, sleeping while standing up on the bus, flipping through random stacks of wrinkled paper, collecting faxes, scribbling little yellow Post-It and sticking them all over my CPU, lunching in stuffy hawker centres, staring dreamily at the gorgeous buildings through my window, i just want to say i’m amazed. amazed that how time can just fly without me actually feeling it, amazed at how great it is to meet new people who just click with you, amazed that i’m actually dreading july, when work will come to an end and another untold new journey would begin.. simply, i’m just amazed at what life brings. oh, and i’m too amazed by how many mistakes i can make and stupid things i can say in a single day.

i’ve just come across a nice quote -

"when you have something great going on, dont try to change it. never improve on perfection."

note to self: dont get too envious there. envy is an never-ending feeling. it just keep coming.

"Make a wish and place it in your heart. Anything you want. Everything you want. Now believe it can come true. You will never know when the next miracle is going to come from, the next smile, the next wish come true. But if you believe that it’s right around the corner, and you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it, to the certainty of it. You just might get the thing you are wishing for. The world is full of magic, you just have to believe in it, with all your heart."

i’m so tired, tired, tired.
i feel like sleeping, sleeping, sleeping.

my eyes are dry and slightly milky and i still have 3 more days to go before i could called it a rest. there’s this really nice hollister top that i feel like buying but it’s over 30 bucks and thats worth a consideration doesnt it? today at work, i learnt loads of stuff. firstly, i learnt the faster way to level 10. i missed my way when trying to change the lifts and as a result, i turned up 15 minutes late at the office. i went up and down the building twice, trying to find the mystery door that might just pop up, but in the end, it was a nice lady who helped me :) okay, so i got laughed and teased at for being so blur but well, i had my fun. within only 2 days of knowing me, Z was telling me that he knows my kind of personality already: blur, directionless, forgetful, oblivious, and the most @#$#@$@# of all, - short. it’s kinda insulting cos thats almost how people would describe me. but i only know him for two days. just two, hello.

today was a good day cos i talked to the stranger boy and his friend beside me :) turns out that we’re the same age and he is pretty nice.. just that i’m not sure if i hasnt borrowed his newspapers, would he talked to me or not. but he was very friendly when lending me :), so i’m feeling blessed again! also, though i was sweaty, the sweat didnt seep through my dress :) today, i managed to type 3 enquiries emails and it’s a pretty good experience. a simple job it may seem, but i’m learning :) i will continue to make mistakes, i’m sure, but i’m learning new things every second and that’s feeling rather awesome today.

oh i didnt mention, but on my first day, i was shocked to see that B working there too! haha, this is so random.

Happiness is..

♥ having a blessed moment! though it only lasts a few minutes.

yesterday, i received 4 new packages in the post and today, i received 3! well, i got more coming, and this goes to show how heavy my shopping had become this month. i’m so so so so sinned. but i’m loving it heh heh heh heh. mum have been warning me since cny not to buy too many clothes, and the urge to shop had shrunk just when cny was over, but now, it’s backkkkkkkkkk! oh my.

i’m starting work on monday. i still think the pay a little on the low side but i’m too sick of having agencies calling me and introducing a lousy job, or a pretty good one but in a warehouse environment filled with men, thus i decided to take this job offer at the cpf board. also, the more picky i get, the less i will be able to work, i will earn even lesser and in the end, i dont have to work already. so, screwww the pay, i’m going to tell myself i will be gaining experience, tolerence and endurance and at cpf board somemore, so i should be glad and happy. plus the location got a quite wide range of food! :) be satisfied, girl. but no matter how positive i’m sounding, i still feel a teeny bit sulky hahahaha. oh, shut up adeline.

-

there’s some mother-sister conflict stirring in the air tonight. as we’re family, i dont know and dont want to take any sides. let’s hope things will get better tomorrow soon.

Happiness Is..

♥ lugging back three new books from the library! ohhh, my favourite library :)

this layout looks screwed, and i cant believe i’ve spent 2 hours in the morning and 2 hours right now, trying to make it right. the background is horrendous, pardon it while i think of a better one, oh the sidebar looks terrible too, pretend you didnt see it! i’m not sure if the whole layout will look ugly on other computers or laptops, but i will check it out soon. i got this feeling that it’s horribleeeeee but ugh, i had enough. but i kind of like how it’s looking on my screen :)

baby xavier is at my feet right now, snuggling to a deep sleep! his parents are off to the hospital to visit xavier’s grandpa and i doubt they will come home right after that. today, my phone rang constantly, and i think i’m finally getting employed.. somehow. but since it’s not final yet, we shall see tomorrow.

i found this totally cool website that just might primped me up to become a much more positive person :D i think i should start the same practice here, so i wont be so gloomy and sad everytime! i need reminders.

today, Happiness is..

♥ finally finding my place somewhere - a new job! :)
♥ i took 2 trips of my favourite bus rides, listening to my favourite music. what could get better than this? i’m moving on, at the very least!