i realized i get upset easily alot these days.

and i cant even write properly now. the cursor kept blinking, prompting me.. but i dont know how to say it out aloud. okay, type it out aloud.

i am sad. angry. pissed. jealous.

feel like i’m on the road to insanity.. why is she like that? why is it that she wants every single thing that i want? why is she always copying my everything? if dropping out or quitting school means i dont need to see her again, that very idea seems incredibly tempting now. sometimes enough is enough. i’m very flustered. my heart feel like it’s in a big tight knot.

sighed. *bang my head in frustration*

another thing is.. school. in less than 50 days time, i’ll be sitting in the examination room, the paper in my hands. i’m not ready. not even 50% ready. everything suddenly seems so hard now. picking the easier way out of flunking everything, seems ideal.

i’m sucha loser.

still am, still are, unchanged.

i’m not happy.

girl in the mirror, you’re not that likeable.

 

i told myself i’m going stop having distractions (looking for food, watching TV, eye the bed, switching on the PC, smsing people, etc), dig out my bundle of notes and REALLY STUDY. but guess what..? i read 3 pages and officially gave up. my paper is on wednesday, mind you!

little me arent really scared huh.

i’m soooo dead and i’m just beginning to feel the heavy waves of stress.. YOU DESERVED IT!

**

due to the heavy downpour today, i decided to cook YH and me lunch. last week, i cooked us curry maggie mee with crab sticks and hotdogs. ended up that the hotdogs arent even fully cooked! thank goodness none of us ran for the toilet. so this time, i decided to cook mian xian with hotdogs (again!!) and an egg. YES!!! YOU READ IT CORRECTLY!!! i can now cracked an egg without shells dropping into the egg white/yolk!! it’s absolutely perfecto! *proud* i was amazed. well, perhaps i’m just gifted in cooking and i only realized it till now =)

this time, once the water starts boiling, i threw in the nicely-cut hotdogs to prevent any uncookness.. and it turns out terrific!! i think my cooking skills arent very bad actually but if you asked my dear brother, he’ll sure beg to differ. but i still think i’m improving! even if they’re easy to cook stuff.

taste very nice!!! of course.. the bak kua was a nice addition..

**

re-read my morning enty and boy, dont i sound cheesy?! =)

**

i’m reading someone’s blog and envy envy envy!

**

hehe, i just spread manuka honey all over my face just now! any effects? well, i’ll only see them in the morning!

Hello you, i dreamt of you today. it was your voice that i hear.. your smile that i see.. it was you sitting close beside me, the warmth and happiness that i feel.. it was then that i realized that i do missed you. despite the fact that we dont talk much anymore, and oh how i missed those times. we always want something that we dont have, we often miss something that we no longer have. all these talks about cherishing and stuff, is all really bullshit huh?

you’re a chance that i have let go. perhaps.. you do miss me a little too?

***

back to reality. the paper is a day away.. worry and feeling sick with fear.. doing nothing whatsoever over it.. for the umpteen time, i do feel that i might be better off not studying.

the grass is always always greener on the other side. i bet i will miss studying if i choose to drop out!

finicky fickle minded you. if only i’m smarter.. then perhaps i wont feel like a loser..

hello world. been almost a month since i trepassed here with my doodles! times flies. especially, especially when you’re stressed with exams and of spending too many other hours when you’re not studying to read words and words of beauty forums. and recently, in this midst of my horribly stressed world, i still find the time to come up with a new natural skin regimen. i’m sick of using products that make my skin backfire, and with that, spending loads and loads of money that sure had gone to waste!

so my homework is pretty much these: skincare and schoolwork (which is TERRIBLE, i tell you. we practically made airport our home in the past weeks of mugging there.. and spending loads of $$$ on the food and cheer-me-up snacks! imagine your bank account breaking out in $20’s every two days. am very broke now!) the gst money did not help. almost gone now.. but my bills is still piling up. =X

another paper next week. i have no confidence. it’s hard to imagine that in about a couple of weeks’ time, the real exams will arrive and i’m afraid i will say that i’m still ill-prepared. i’m nervous to the bones. jittery, flittery, buttery in the knees. the idea of the finals make me sick.

it’s like another O levels but 20 times harder!

hehe. i’m loving Jennifer Aniston. caught He’s Just Not That Into You and Marley And Me. both wonderful shows! Marley and Me made me teared. why do Marley have to die?? life sure aint fair. even in movies.

suckie biggie time! am in the deepest shit. feel that this studying route arent for me. wanting to quit but how can i, with all there thousands being spent already?

guardian angel, please help me.