i feel that my stomach is on the floor and somebody is stomping on it with heels. darn the bee hoon with otah lunch that i had this afternoon. now, my tummy simply feels that is is rolling around in flames. the burning feel you know? very very uncomfortable and i’m feeling slightly nauseous now.. i just went to brush my teeth and rinse my mouth with Oral-B hoping to remove the disgusting aftertaste leftover. yuck.

am also feeling that my hormones is over-frying.. a very pissed off day full of pissed-off moments.

the most annoying thing: the crampy train and seatless bus. - why is the trains always so bloody crammed on saturdays? and for lucky, lucky old me, it’s a school day for me.

the next annoying thing: why is my supposedly cute nephew not so cute anymore these days? he is so proud, demanding and unreasonable now, screaming all over the place when things dont go his way; totally ignoring me when i was outside the door, my hands full of stuff and i was asking for the key nicely; whining, crying, yelling and stomping his feet to watch the living room TV when we offered to let him watch in the rooms cuz we wanted to watch SCV, which is only available on the living room TV. sigh. he is turning into this impossible little monster. i want my baby back.

the next next annoying thing: my pink ruffles pink top came. i was happy.. then disappointed when i discovered that the ruffles arent identical on both sides. the left is fuller than the right. the perfection gene in my body kicked in. i emailed the seller and it turns out that she has no more pieces to exchange. all she can do for me is to give me a discount of 4 bucks. whoopie whoop. now i’m just going to look weird and even more unattractive for CNY. great.

i’m getting all wobbly at the thought of CNY just round the corner next week. feeling all sad, yet trying to sound like i cant wait for the day to arrive. it’s hard being bright and chirpily cheerful when you simply just feel like going one corner over there to sulk. and sulked deeply that’s it. i’m being such a whiny baby. i want to be mature and grow up and accept things while letting the burdens weighing on my shoulders go. i want to remember only the good things and try to avoid the weirdness and loneliness feelings that seem to wash over me again and again. i want to be a happier person. i miss the out-going, sociable side of me. but she seem to be there no longer. these days i very much prefer to curl up in my world with a book.

school hasnt been going extremely well. envy is a sin. not feeling confident enough feels like shit. it makes me just want to hang my head down and wish for all attention diverted away from me. it got worse to the point that i wish i was invisible and i can just come and go.

the angry bumps on my U-zone arent helping. does my face needs anymore ugly-fying? jeez.

this seems like such a depressed entry.

i planned to be a much happier person this year. seems like i’m wishing for the same old thing every year. that never seem to happen.

motivation… please give me motivation..

leg cramping. homework very lagged behind. stomach in flames. shitty skin. unfriendly nephew. stress of exams. piling stack of unread library books. strained friendships brewing merrily. uncut toenails. big sum of contact lens fees pending. messy bed strewn with bundle of clothes tangled up. boyfriendless life, making people think i’m an unwanted weirdo - perhaps that’s true. lack of sleep. unpaid credit card bills. irritating sister dragging us into her every wedding plan whatsoever. discovery of an wrinkle in my forehead. stressing with Mum over money problems. exams deadline in may. motivation all gone…

life, is looking rather bleak at the moment.

i miss my Dad terribly.