it seems like once i start having the mood to write, i can hardly remember to stop. often, i wish i have a built-in hard disk inside my brain or something, so i can note down every tiny single memory, words, and feelings i would like to remember. but sadly, no. my brain is far from that. and pitifully, i tend to forget things very fast. one distraction is all it takes.

yes, still watching Moonlight Reasonance.

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my heart feels very confused right now. tangled up. words failed me. words trapped inside, words that couldnt be released. perhaps i’m getting panicky. tomorrow will be wednesday the 31st, which is techically the last day of 2008, the first day of 2009 dawning. time flies isnt it? too fast, in fact. so speedy that it’s impossible to grasp anything. anything i wanted to bring into the new year. anything refreshing, anything worthy, anything memorable. fact is, 2008 is a big bore, a year of complications and confusion. a year which feels like a maze and i’m still trapped inside those green hedges, the exits blocked, and me, sad and lonely in there. i was alone. i’m still alone. will 2009 be better? a question that speak volumes. perhaps i cant wish for more. i should be feeling grateful if it isnt worse that 2008.

i dont understand why these feelings cant go away. these sadness and loneliness engulfing me.. this fear.. i’m afraid to step out. i wonder where is those somebodies when you needed them. i wonder how come other people have full of somebodies but i have almost none. none i feel appreciative enough for, anyway.

i feel such a sinner, for feeling this way.

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