finally, a time to sit down properly in front of the computer without feeling guilty and tremoudously bothered by the growing pile of work stacked up by the window waiting to be done… i’m back into the tests-free world!!!! so yay me.

this week had been extremely horrible, put in an understatement. i’m in utter pieces, scrambling to study at the last few minutes (my fault, my problem, my retribution totally, i should have better discipline and restraint, ’nuff said), scribbling short notes but funnily, they’ll normally end up being the exact copies of my textbook, except shorter cuz i choose to ignore those longer paragraphs. so, duh, dont ask me why i spent enormous amount of time writing non-stop till the blisters have roughen up and my finger bones ached like it’s going to break with a single flex- and still the notes are of not much help at all. i supposed i think that writing and writing will somehow help get those theories and all those shit inside my head but would someone finally just tell me blandly in the face that studying dont work this way so i will stop mugging this way? it’s seriously the least effective studying technique, but i’m still doing that. even after years and years of realizing.

so geez, my fault that i’m just about to fail all of the 4 tests when i know i’m actually studying harder than my first tests? hah. and did i mention that today, into the last day of the tests, and econs results is already out? - want to know how well i fare? - well, read the above sentence :) i think my econs lecturer is crazy, i think he stayed up both nights just to mark our scripts, cuz we just sat for the test on wednesday mind you. scrary. weird. creepy. pervert in this queer way. haha, but he is really nice though. intimidating, but nice. and apart from the fact that i’ve score 9 marks higher since my first test.. i have nothing else to be proud of.

instead, incredibly shameful. yikes. 1 down, 3 more blows to go!

sigh. double sighs. i’m still very bothered by my econs results though i’m definitely not the last on the list.. but i’m still mooning, moaning, crying, depressing all over that puddle of spilled econs milk.

so, i assumed that this is already considered a big, huge ass setback for me and now i should be more motivated to study, like, EVERYDAY till the cows moo home, till earth stops spinning, till singapore starts to snow… yes please. 2 weeks worth of mugging!

and econs aside, i still need to use a paragrahs or two (or a dozen, judging my how depressed this is making me feel) about my maths paper today. i’m absolutely ashamed. the questions doesnt lies in the paper - in fact, the paper is considered remotely easy, copy-and-paste questions from our textbook but guess what? barely 10 minutes into the 2-hour paper, my brain got stuck, the gears stopped running, the engines probably died out or something and my brain nerves disconnected. I AM TOTALLY STUCK. STUCK in a supposedly easy-peasy paper that everyone will pass with colourful flying colours and i will get black and grey. i couldnt be more guilty, horrified at myself and the stupidness of it all. just like that, my mind splutters and died…

:(((((((

i’m such a loser. perhaps, uni really doesnt suits me. i should be working in a office, sitting till my butt gets bigger and my thighs grow fatter. i guessed everyone around me have enough of my ranting over my stupidity that they stopped trying to console me thereafter hahaha.

it’s time to stop and brood, and come out with a solution. it’s time i go out and buy an organiser to organise my disorganised life. it’s time for action and serious strategy to announce that i’m not stupid, but a lazybum. so, please ask me out only if you’re planning to study :))

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and oh yes, i have dying to catch Twilight!

some good old cutie is exactly what i need to shoo away this nightmare..