was clearing my handphone and found these notes saved under Drafts:

.. these days i dont have the energy, time, nor feelings to blog so here i am, typing these words furiously on my trusty handphone. life is going on in a mundane and very dull manner. everyday, i woke up, rushed to pour hot water over my body, rinse out the bloody expensive shampoo/conditioner out of my hair, clean my teeth till the muscles in my arms ache and throb, hurry to throw some clothes on, and slip a comb through my hair.. it almost feels like work. i missed my work gang, i missed Z. i missed him everyday when the train stops at clementi and i thought about my chances of bumping into him there, since he drop off at this stop too. but everyday, with the people buzzing around, hurrying off to meet datelines, no such luck. perhaps i dont even wanna bump into him anyway.

school is weird. my tutorial friends are pretty sweet and nice, but since most of them are international students, we dont really click outside the classroom. or perhaps i dont try hard enough to. there is this sg guy whom i met during the orientation. we have so far exchanged 2 sentences but i’ve forgotten to introduce myself properly. i guessed he didnt know my name either. i’m still waiting for the chance to say, ‘hi, whats your name?’

for my other friends, they seem to click with their tutorial mates pretty well. i’m kinda jealous and envious, i admit i am.

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today is one of the biggest day of Da’s life. i should be happy, just like everyone was. all smiles and the frantic rushes to take pictures with beaming faces. but i’m not. i thought of you, wondering if you’re looking from up above, approving, happy.. i miss your prescene dearly here.

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sometimes, the realization that he is not here anymore still strucks me dry, hit me hard. how can i not miss you? how can i get over this? - never. never never ever.