somehow, i must keep reminding myself not to be to taken by the recent re-appearance of him. we are now two very different people, living two completely separated lives. dont let memories engulfed you - he is not even a friend anymore. he probably wouldnt remember.

right?

25/11/2008, it’s amazing how fast time seems to run and how i would always, always lost track of time somewhere in the middle. it feels like i’ve forgotten the need to remember the dates. perhaps, i dont even want to know?

i decided to skip school today, only a 2-hour study skills lecture which so far had proved to be a total waste of time. the phlegm in my throat still wouldnt be puke out or go away. i woke up in a spluttering cough and i couldnt even swallowed hard. i would be studying my econs now if not for my dear brother hogging on to his beloved one-day-old PS3 in my room.

and oh yes, i cut my hair yesterday. before that, i can hardly remembered when was the last time i had chopped my hair. during january maybe..? oh the horror. anyway the hairdresser was my mum’s friend, someone who i had let cut my hair a couple of time over these years - and though i never really like the results of her hair-chopping, i decided to tag along for the haircut anyway cuz i dont fancy going to unknown hair salons and then, coming out with hair that couldnt get any weirder - after a wash especially. dont you guys realized that the hair that we walked out the salons with our heads becomes uh, different right after we went home to wash it? it is still a mystery to this day, i never knew why. .. and my hair is all light and swishy (not in a delightful hair-commercial way) but i reckon (imitating my caucasian lecturer) that the AFTER picture should be better than the BEFORE. hee.

in need for a good spine-tingling thriller? Preston and Child never fails me. :) and right now, Child’s Death Match is sitting opened in my lap!

p.s.Ma is out on a job search. please please wish her best of luck!

sigh-ed. you’re still in my mind. how can this be..? two years and counting. perhaps more. i lost track of count. i still miss you. do i really? boy, i must be terribly lonely to even be thinking this.

love yourself more, when there’s nobody to love you.

this place seems so foreign now. i could simply just forget how this blog of mine looks like!

was browsing through my entires a few seconds ago and guess what? i can really copy-and-paste an entire chunk of sentences to show you how my life still stops at that particular moment, unchanged.

it feels like ages since i entered in the link of this journal. life, is very mundane. it’s all about school, friends and family. whether i have time to gobble down breakfast, what to have for lunch, if i want to stay back in school to study with the gang, if i can find a seat on the train, if i can still pay my citibank card bills with my allowance, why-am i-still-shopping thoughts, meeting Jas, trying to mug 4 hours a day, trying to restrict my spending yada yada. and on yes, worrying about those oil seeds popping up my face. :(

life is still the same, funny how i thought perhaps a break would do me good. i will come back with surprises, happy thoughts, bright smile, cheerful words… but things seems to be where i had left off. i still worry about the same stuff everyday. i still spent like crazy, i’m still terribly broke, i’m flunking my tests all over the place, i still have trouble mixing around, i still struggle with meeting deadlines for my bills payments. sucks or what? but i still believe, right round a corner, lies my happiness, where i will slowly find a way back to myself.

perhaps the only main difference is.. i’m just recovering from a very bad cough/sore throat/flu. gah.

-

it feels like manymanymany years since our story fell apart with an unhappily after, yet at the same time, it feels just like yesterday. silly, i still remember your face, how your skin feels under my fingertips, how i used those very hands to run through your spiky hair, caress your face, kiss those very lips. they say you’ll never forget your first love. perhaps there’s really some truth to it. i never did forget, you’re just buried at the back of my mind, at the bottom of my heart, behind a locked door.

saw your pictures tonight, perhaps it’s your motive, or simply just a purely innocent concidence, i dont know. i probably shouldnt care, i probably shouldnt even asked to take a look at your photos. but i couldnt resist, i just looked anyway. - you looked good, great even. happy faces, smooth skin, tall muscular body, cheeky grin; you look like someone worth a second look. i was mesmerized, i was awestruck. i knew it was a mistake choosing to look at the you now. somehow, it makes me feel even more depressed. silly yes? you bastard.

now now.. dont get me wrong. i’m just ranting. :) but i know for somewhat, the reason why i still kept all your numbers regardless all these while, that i’m still the fool i am back then. - i hasnt changed. not as much as you’ve changed anyway.

now, where’s the kiddy boy i’ve remembered?

p.s. please let Ma find a job of her liking soon :(