you know, i really dont wish to hate school, hate the people i have to force myself to hangout with, blindly everyday. i wanted to be well-liked and be able to like them in return. though many a time, i do enjoy our lunches, talks and discussions over homework, there are still those moments when i feel left out. and you, being my closest friend, even preferred them to me. i dont know why. this hurts you know, i feel terrible, confused, abandoned, helpless and i feel like crying all the same.

i really dont feel like mixing with you anymore. everytime with you, it always feels like you’re the copycat, but other people will just think that i am the one - childish yes?

i need some new friends.

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sometimes even i scare myself. how can i be so evil at times, whenever i’m frustrated or angry, sad or depressed, or am i simply just being evil and mean for the sake of it? tonight, i shuddered at how twisted i can actually be. am i the only crazy one here?

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today was spent rushing around with a plastic bag of 6-inch thick of IBM notes. i sweared this subject is certainly going to be one which i would come to dread. the lecturer was cranky and mad for one.

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freaking tiring day. needless to say, i kind of regret watching 4Bia last week. those gross creepy movie scenes keep flashing into my mind whenever i got up at 5am to bath in the kitchen toilet. i cant even close my eyes without fearing that something would pop up once i re-opened them! and i too, was afraid last night when i was lying on the bed trying to get some sleep, i ended up being awake by 328am. but for those who love horrors, 4Bia is a must-watch!

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today is a happy, contented night. what an evening ended up rather great. i loved chatting up with my poly friends, i loved catching up with things i never knew. it’s weird; how can i be laughing over matters like, finally knowing that they’re making fun of my hair behind my back at that one particular time, or how honest everyone is being suddenly. i missed talking like that, without a care in the world. somehow, though that’s a mix of hurt when realization strucks, but the it’s the honesty that i valued.