1. i deserved to be smack on the head for not studying today. *smack smack self*

2. i’m still buying 101 number of stuff and someone please stop me! okay, i will be forced to stop soon anyway cos i’m now self-declared broke. SOB.

3. yayyyyyy retail therapy is my short-term source of happiness.

4. i’m so dead tomorrow.

5. my tummy is feeling so much better but now my nose has suddenly decided to leak since early afternoon. ARGH tissues!

6. i suddenly decide that i like blogging again.

7. i have a whole stack of Business Times sitting on my desk. Business Times is soooooooooooo utterly boring. the most boring newspaper EVER. hohohoho. quoting from Nageb, our IBM teacher, "you dont read newspaper, you DIE."

8. i want more money T_T

9. 2nd uncle just dropped by with ah ma’s mui cai and chicken!!!!! i love my ah ma’s cooking!!!!!

10. okay, stupid nose stop leaking now!!!!

11. did i mention that Jas bought me the belt i want but too broke to? HEE.

12. on friday, i went to Pei’s house at 10pm to watch The X Files and half of Definitely Maybe. i want to finish watching Definitely Maybe!!!

13. many many many movies i want to watch.

14. xavier baby’s voice sounded so cute on the phone.

15. if being happy will make you happy, then thats all what i wanna be. forever.

16. (:

sunday afternoon; i should be busy, studiously mugging for my econs, which i have both a lecture and tutorial tomorrow. i should be readying myself to tackle all the questions that he will be shooting at me. i should be trying, striving, struggle, till i can no longer. but i’m feeling naseous, and not well at all.

i dreamt of Pa yesterday, because i asked him to give me one last night.

he was boarding the bus that Ma and I were both on, wearing his checkered blue shirt and black trousers. he lifted his head up, looked at us, and smiled. and then, he sat in front of us. i didnt know why we didnt talk to him. as the bus moved along, it arrived to this stop. Pa got up, turned to say: "Goodbye." , and he alighted the bus.

goodbye, what a word of finality.

Ma said that it was his way of telling us that he is good now, up in heaven.

this was last night.

just sometime this week, a few days ago, i dreamt about him again:

Pa was lying on his bed, at home and Ma is using a cloth to wipe his face. and then, a tear rolled down his cheek.

2 dreams in a week. Pa, would you give me somemore? i will never have enough.

-

i should go and mug, so that perhaps then i will be one step closer to my goal to make you proud.