sometimes i have these feelings of guilt overwhelming me.

like just a few minutes ago, Mum woke up, and sat on the sofa to talk to me. i was very vague and all and did not give her my full attention. i felt really, extremely bad now. what kind of daughter am i being to an excellent mother who is always trying to give me the best? she pays for my bills, my demanding needs, my daily expenses, and all. she lectures me when i am wrong, when i have no confidence in myself (like practically all the time!), she listens to me whine everyday, just be there for me, consoles me when it’s suppose to be the other way around.

why am i always venting some other sort of frustration on other people? i’m sorry, Mummy.

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yes, thats me.

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i tried to tell a few people how wrecked i am feeling tonight. tried. i did, really. pausing, typing and punching the ‘backspace’ button multiple times. but the sentence still doesnt formed. it was now that i realized, how much i need my listener.

just listen, will you? i dont even have a proper listener now. everyone seems to be obsessing with their own problems lately - well, how can i blame them? my world doesnt evolved around theirs.

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i find cinemas the weirdest place around. i cried the most easily inside the cold, buzzing, dark room. perhaps, thats because nobody can see the tears. - i love you, so much it still aches. the one year mark is coming soon and the unusual sense of loss is brewing up inside..

i dont know how/why/what. 

emo. i should be feeling tons better.