econs lecture was a total blur. after only 4 lectures, i’m already feeling extremely stressed. was it only me, am i just too slow? i’m afraid i cant cope, it feels so scary here. i’m almost ready to run.

coward, the voice mocked. stupid, stupid girl. are you trying hard enough?

it really isnt easy to juggle with the school load, the need to catch up with everybody, the stress of mixing with the new group, the bills piling up in red. i dont even feel like going out anymore. please, let things be better soon.

it feels like i havent been writing for the longest time. i’m still composing loads of entries in my head, drafts in my handphone whenever i feel that there is something i certainly must say or i will suffocate; i’m still travelling to and fro to clementi everyday and can now almost feel clementi like it’s part of me - ha ha, or maybe not, i’m still finding it rather tough to engage myself in conversations with my new group of friends. they’re likeable, friendly, clowns, but i’m still a tad uncomfortable with talking to guys i had barely known. well, i’m just relying on time to let me pass this awful and silly phase - tomorrow will be a better day i still believe.

these days i’ve been wearing my spectacles dutifully - the order for my contacts still hasnt come in yet!!!!!! but i kind of like myself in specs now, dont ask me why! this month left me feeling emotionally and mentally wrecked. school is getting tougher, and yes, university is soooo much different from those good old poly days. poly seems so chicken feet now. oh well. what to expect?

i’m terribly excited about the movie Twillight that’s coming out in December. the stupid thing was, i was going to get the book about 3-4 months ago at Kino, where it only cost 13 bucks then. now, it cost 17 and i’m thinking if i should buy a book that is over 15 bucks that i had read before. haha, let me apply my lousy baby econs skills. due to the high demand, it’s more expensive!!!! not sure if i’m correct but what the hell hahahaha. it’s saturday and i got lecture on 830am in the morning, ugh. and 130pm tutorial class! and it’s ECONS.

some way to begin my supposedly sleep-in day.

-

6 Sept
Happy Birthday, me.

p.s. he remembered my birthday. it seems like a shock, and sadly, it only prove that besides the fact that he have a fantastic memory, there is nothing else. it’s finished, it’s over, even our friendship is at rocks, disappearing softly over the edge before we could even feel it. time and distance always does wonders, which never fails to amaze me. though i’ve tried, and perhaps he did too, on his own pigheaded part, it was all for nothing, and i’ve truly left with no backward glances. which was good isnt it? now, my studies is my top-priority.

p.s.s. present i wanted.<3

to a certain guy, who never fails to wish me every year when the clock strikes 12 first thing on a 6 Sept midnight. - :) and to everyone who wishes me too! yes, this girl here is officially 20! the big fat 2. :( but the heart stays young ok!

30 August
Happy Birthday, Daddy.

in another 4 weeks’ time, it will be a year. mixed feelings. empty thoughts. trembling hands. - i cant believe this. it still feels like yesterday. it still hurt like yesterday.