i could still remember the very first day where we met, i was in a white v-neck fox tee and blue jeans, Da’s Kipling orange monkey bag slung across one shoulder. i was nervous, which grew to exasperation cos you were so quiet and i was the one struggling with the small talk. i remembered saying irritably, ‘why are you soooo quiet?‘

those words fell out of my mouth before i could stop myself.

and today, almost four years later, our friendship seems to be very serene. we go out, we hang out when situation allows us, we had lunched, went shopping, gossiped, talked, shared our views, laughed - very normal things that friends do together. but i realized things arent the same as it was years back. these days, the silence that hung around us seemed to be the very staple of our friendship. to us, silence is the thing to hang around after a few sentences. perhaps i dont know how i can talk to you anymore. there are many many things about me, my life, my problems, my thoughts that i would love to share with you. however, i couldnt. i dont feel that intimate with you anymore. the intimacy and cosiness that once surrounds us isnt there anymore. i cant imagine myself shrieking and squealing while happily hooking my arm into the crook of yours. - like i used to do.

funny how things changes. i do miss the old pair of us, very much. nevertheless, i know that change is a constant part of us, and there’s nothing much that i can do to bring us back to the closeness that we’ve once felt.

i do get angry, when i felt neglected by you. today, this feeling almost overwhelmed me, choking me with unhappiness and jealousy. but it subsides soon after, cos at the end of the day, i would still like to be at peace with myself. no point, i think, on second thoughts, you still arent worth that much.