one word, tired.

i feel like the air has been knock out from me, leaving my brain fuzzy and incredibly sleepy - and suddenly, i’m so tired that i dont want to think. im amazed that i’m still equipped with the energy and focus to type these right now. but i think i need to type something, i need to clear something from my head.

it’s official, 11th july will be my last day, and 4th will be his.

a week earlier.

5 days.

i’m secretly wishing and praying and hoping that something would happen that will get him to change his mind about leaving a week before i do. but i think it will be pointless wishing. when did good things really happen to me when i want it?

i wished i had kept my big mouth shut when he asked if there a difference if he left earlier. he seems to want me to blurt out, ‘yes you. you’re the difference. please stay.’ - but what had i replied instead? that of cos there’s no difference. in a cool, i-dont-care voice. and that was when he promptly agreed and walked off to tell our head about his decision.

sigh, you will never guess how regretful i’m feeling right now. damn for not thinking thrice before i open my big fat mouth!

now, we are left with one week, three days. 7 days (6 if he decides to a 1-day leave) and we will be officially saying goodbye.

it will be good cos it might strike a big blow into my heart. thus clearing away all vibes of heartache i’m feeling for him, but then again, i will miss him like crazy.

forever goodbye is not a laughing matter, though it seems like the best ending. - what do i expect? what can i expect?

please god, make him stay. just for another week.

-

some things are just not meant to be. 40% now ok? i just have to believe that better things will come my way. why worry? why sulking? why heart-aching?

i need to grip tightly to this belief.

tomorrow, it will all be clearer, tomorrow will be another day, tomorrow will be another set of feelings. tomorrow, i will see the reason behind all these.