i’m feeling guilty that i haven been writing about you recently. it’s all about Z and my wobbly feelings lately. it’s so wrong of me huh? i would like to take it as an infatuation that will die off soon. i hope. how are you up above? the weather’s horrible these days and i hope heaven is not like that. heaven should be that blissful, merry, bunch of joy of a place thats unlike earth. i hope you’re well taken care of. we miss you like crazy. 

i’m sorry that i hasnt been offering joss sticks at your altar like what Da and Ma did every morning and night. i’m guilty for not doing something that i’m actually perfectly capable of - it’s just whether i want to or not. and shamefully, i can count the number of times i did that with my ten fingers. but you wouldnt use this to judge how much i miss and love you, would you? i hope not. to me, nothing i could have done will replace the mistakes or guilt i still feel to this day. and hence, i never think that offering more joss sticks or whatsoever can undo the mistakes i’ve made. it’ve been 7 months, 30 days and counting, tomorrow it will be officially 8 months. it feels like nothing had changed, when everything had. it still feels so weird not to hear your shuffling footsteps every night or hear you flicking the tv and the fan on every morning by 6am.

i’m still so sorry for not cherishing and loving you when i had the chance. - just how sinned i am?

there had been so many second chances, but i choose to overlook and think there’s still time. i always forgot that time waits for no one. i always judge people too easily. 

watch us from above, Pa. watch over Ma.

signing off, i love you more than you’ll ever know.