i keep stalling.

i keep wanting to do something, anything. anything but sitting down here, listlessly staring at whether he is still here. he is totally turning me into this fool i am. i deserve to be called a fool. but i guess, something have to go. i cant stay like this forever, for the next few days, next few weeks, pinning and longing over nothing, something that i cant have.

i dont understand how someone can be the best damn thing that ever happened to me be such a thorn in my heart.

i’m not exactly making sense here i know. just why am i so easily affected, strung upon i dont know either. i guessed it’s in me, ha. the naive, gullible me. who gets happy and excited and touched over the tiniest things. i need to be someone harder. i need to become more immune to such unwanted vulnerability. i need to say goodbye with my head held high.

now he is offline, i should be relieved. no more checking again and again. but whoever makes the rule to say that he must be the one who talk to me and not the other way around?

guess i got more to learn.

i’m always the fool. it’s time to let go. it’s hard, but 30% first maybe?

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i love food. i love sleeping. this weekend, i’ve been eating more than usual and having endless sleep. i’m feeling rather refreshed and happy - but fat, haha. i need my happy pill.

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Ma, please get better and healthier. i’m praying everyday.

Pa, i’m still thinking of you, you’re in my mind, unforgettable.

Da, i think i cant wait for your most important day :) and i cant wait to wear the same colour dress as Jas so people would know we’re the sisters of the bride!

Xavier baby, get better, you cheeky loveable adorable boy.

what doesnt kill me, will make me stronger.