1. i dont know why, but i just want to write and write and write.

2. i feel like sighing, but it’s a happy day, rather than a sad one, and i dont wish to waste it away by sulking. and whining. and complaining.

3. i’m watching the taiwanese superstar show right now and it’s so sad. i hate goodbyes and partings.

4. he is not online right now, and that makes me even sulkier hahaha, gosh am i pathetic or what? :(

5. Jas bought me honey milk tea today, and amusingly, she doesnt realized she is actually the cause of the fight between Mum and me - until just now when she called me. but we’re okay now and yay to sisters.

6. i need movies, i need some popcorn, i need some laughs and some new memories.

7. i think i’m going to have lots of laugh lines and wrinkles now - all thanks to the never-ending giggles and outburst of laughter at work.

8. tomorrow is Friday, and that means dress-down days - hooray, i get to wear my T-shirt and denim!

9. i’m so slacked at work this week that i’m constantly either dozing off with my palm against the crook of my neck, or finding myself engaging in chats with work gang. i’m such a pig yeah!

10. lunch = good food these days. just earlier this week, we had Thai Express and yesterday, we even went down to Bugis (my suggestion) to have the yummy omelette rice that cost $7.50 a plate! rather costly for a foodcourt meal. in the end, we headed back to work late cos of the heavy downpour and we slacked at IP’s BK till 3 plus. awesome, cos time truly flies. :D

11. we talked, we talked, and we talked. it was lovely. i find chats with you incredibly fascinating. everyday, we have a new topic to explore. i feel that i’ve known you forever. it was very lovely. i love the way you tease me, poke me, make fun of me, sit close to me, the way you always pull me away from walking disasters, like an incoming car, or some random passer-by. it was very very lovely.

12. but everything has its end.

13. and we are nearing the THE END sign. 2 more weeks, you say? i dont even dare to ask you properly or think about it. it simply hurts. here, my heart, is aching.

14. i know i had mention million of times my feelings about Z, a zillion times in fact - that the feelings are wavering ones. i just need to write, just leave me to write so i can one day (hopefully) sort this out, straighten this mess.

15. sigh.

16. i know i’m hopeless, useless, and such a pain-in-the-neck!

17. 11:58PM and he is still not online - argh why do i even bother

18. i need some texts, someone, anyone, to tell me that i’ve been missed. thank you.

p.s. i feel like changing my livejournal name! heh.

back and sleepy and hungry - i even had abit of gastric ugh ugh ugh. what can i say, im hungry!

today was good, almost. cos someone totally made my day as usual. sometimes i think i like him as a brother, sometimes i think he is nothing but a colleague, while other times, i fell completely in love.

omg, stab me please.

i made a decision not to join the guys out for pubbing and dinner - and they in turn decide to postpone the date to next week for me. - made me happy and a teeny bit touched really, heh.

now, they have stooped low enough to start calling me ‘cute’ at every chance they got - ever since i told them how offensive i find the word. argh, it seriously sound like sarcasm to me!

p.s. relationship with Mum gets a teeny bit better this morning - she wish me good day!

to you:
you will never understand how appreciative i feel whenever you sit down beside me and listens. you’re such a great listener who gave great advices. i appreciate how you called me this morning after i sent you the text saying i might not be joining for dinner, just to check that i’m coming to work today. i was walking behind you this morning, at the mrt station. but i didnt call out to you - you were too fast. so there i was, staring at your backview in wonder. i was just at the lift when you called me. i assumed you called me immediately after you reached and noticed i’m not at my seat. and then, when i reached, you came and wheeled the chair over and sit down and started asking me what happened. the look of concern in your eyes, the way you cared, the way you consoled me just by sitting beside me when i dont want to talk - and there you stayed, not even going down to get your breakfast like usual. you even swop seats just to sit beside me the whole day. i do wonder you know, wonder what these actions meant. i dont wish to get my hopes up over nothing - cos the way i’m feeling is never constant, and the way you react differs. i even wonder to the extent how well you treated your gf. but part of me knows, to you, i’m simply a friend/colleague. i’m sorry it’s so pathetic, but the truth always does hurts doesnt it. - ?

to J:
thank you for the text this morning at 8am in the morning that goes:

good morning, addy! been a few days since i last talked to you, dont know why am i feeling so uneasy. well, just to wish you a great day ahead! =)

aw, i’m blinded by your sweetness. and the thought of getting medicine for me when i told you about my gastric, you know what, it counts so so much.

-

p.s.and i’m pretty happy that rene ask me out for beer and cake! hahahaha :)

i’m feeling rather like shit tonight. it’s so horrible that i simply just flopped onto the bed the moment i took off my shoes - disgusting i know - but i dont care, really.

i hate conflicts, i hate it when i want to explain something but in the end, i cant cos the words just wouldnt pop out from my mouth - resulting in even more misunderstandings and disputes. i’m sorry, hey i’m just not that brave sometimes. when was i actually brave? indeed. question mark.

i hate money problems; but for the longest time ever, this problem has been tagging around, playing and repeating like a broken record. it never leaves, it just keep coming back. once bitter, twice shy, they say, i could feel the bite too, but it only sting momentarily, and i will forgot about it after some time. i’m so disgusted with myself.

have i mentioned? i hate myself, i really do.

-

horror stories today, and i love these moments. coffee breaks, lunches, walks, talks, pokes, giggles, retorts, insults - i wonder how much i will miss it one month later.

the realization of school in aug strucks me now, i wonder if not feeling that excited is a sin. it has to be. and i’m such a sinner.

if only we can turn back time, ha.

he came to say bye and to sleep early, so that i wont fell asleep on the table like today.