this week is breakout week - i’m having some spots and bumps on my chin area argh argh argh! the ulcer in my mouth that just healed and the spot on my eyes must be the beginnings of the hint that i’m, in fact, pretty heaty. plus i seriously think that i’m deprieved of water despite KH’s smses crammed with please-drink-water-reminders that came almost thrice a day. sigh, i need to force feed myself at least two bottles of water a day okay! from errr, tomorrow onwards. yeah yeah, rightttt.

it’s feels rather great to be back to work and the yummy curry puffs that one of the perm staff always bought us every friday was the highlight. and today we got free m&m cookies and cranberry shortcake biscuits too! omg, i just realized, they are all sources of heatiness! i love fridays, except i dont actually like casual-clothes day cos i got limited casual clothes to wear.

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it’s strange how a somewhat amazing day (filled with talks, rumbles, jokes and laughter with him) could end so disappointedly. but right now, it feels somewhat better, for which i’m glad.

i thought alot just now, when i was at WS library flipping through the rows and rows of books, i thought about this speedy friendship, about how it had progressed ever since day 1, when i first sat beside him in the waiting area, or when we sat together again in the meeting room, how well we clicked over random first-meeting chats. i guessed it wasnt surprising, he just click well with everybody, not just me. to him, i was just another person who he can make fun of and bully. we did talk more today, and i finally bought that question bouncing in my head for weeks out. the answer surprises me, and i almost could feel my heart dropping to the ground. but what was i expecting exactly? what was i hoping for?

all i know is, our barely two-months neutral friendship can never compete with a 3 years long relationship.

it is simply a crush, i’m telling myself. a spark of interest flaming inside my heart. and it’s time this spark spluttered and died. from now on, i will take this friendship lightly, i will just enjoy the company, the advices, the mockings, the teasings, the jokes easily. just enjoy and be neutral. that will be painful, but i will live, wont i? :)

as usual, what doesnt kills me, will make me stronger.

this is just a summer crush, with one outcome: i will be the one walking away.

and when i’m depressed, i shopped. this explains the depleting bank account at the moment. sigh, and i need to fatten it up.

right now, it just seems to me that i’m the one attracting all these loathesome problems onto myself. i’m at fault, i’m at fault. i should make myself immune to crushes, you know.

you know what hurts the most? it’s when you want something but it can never be yours. HAHAHAHA, oh my, what exactly do i want now?

i can never be satisfied nor contented, life’s annoying like that.

how i wish i can just chuck these feelings away, i dont want it at all. cos as i had said before, he’s not the kind of guy i would have like. but well well well..

sigh, why these damn things always keep happening?!

okay, just walk away. :)