let’s just say perky morning :)

but in actual fact, i’m feeling anything but that. my eyes is blinking dry, and i just feel so so so tired. i didnt have a good sleep last night and today just dont feel very uh, graduation-y. oh, it’s graduation! again, i’m feeling anything but that.

i’m all butterflies right now, feeling the jitters of excitement and nervousness. i hate feeling this way. i hate not being in control of my emotions. but i just cant push back these feelings and say. ‘no, it doesnt bothers me.’ it did, and i’m so so nervous. nervous about meeting my classmates for what seem like the longest time, nervous that my mum, aunt and cousins would be bored to death, nervous about not taking enough pictures, nervous about tripping on my feet when i went up the stage to collect the folder. sigh!

UPDATE:

i’m back and no, i did not tripped over my own feet while my heels clacked over the red carpet, in case you’re wondering. in fact, today is one of the sweetest day ever and i’m sure im gonna be missing it over the long run. i love today! the robe turned out rather nice and i loved the photos that i took with Mum, and my friends. :) fish and co dinner of seafood platter which i shared with Ping was rather gross at the end, but i enjoyed the kola tonic. next outing? boy, i cant wait :)

and i’m incredibly touched that Mum and Jes came down, even if it’s only for a short while. loveeee. Pa, did you see me on stage today? somehow, i got this feeling that you were there. arent you?

today made me realized alot of things. it made me understand that i do have alot of choices actually. why bother sulking over one particular person who will just be a waste of time and feelings in the end while i do have the choice to turn my attentions to someone who is always so awfully lovely to me. aw, i like this feeling. i like smiling over at you when our eyes met, i like standing beside you, looking up and seeing you grinning down at me. i love your smile.

i’ve been struggling my feelings for you for the longest time and each time, when i backtracked, my eyes will be filled with more visions of you.

do you still remember the day. the day when you typed me the longest and sweetest message ever and told me, i like you.

 

SHOUTOUT: HEH, I’M FINALLY AND OFFICIALLY OUT!

tomorrow is graduation day! okay, it’s officially here today. *switch to happy mode*

firstly, i’m feeling broke today, all thanks to the last-minute rush to buy a suitable top for the ceremony later on in the afternoon. the things was, i came home, thinking that i got a few tops to try and perhaps one must be appropriate, but no, it all look out of place and so wrong. one looks too baggy on me, one too dark, and the other had holes where a belt should be at (but wearing with the belt looks all weird!!) — thus, i had no choice but to pull back on my work clothes, grabbed my wallet and phone and rushed for the door. i reached TM at 830pm :), dropped by Zimple and came out with a brand new hot pink bag.. and a big hole in my pocket! le sigh. just for a freaking one-hour ceremony, i had to swipe my NETS card. :( but well, i love that top hehehe.

seriously, i hope tomorrow will be one damn good day.

i dont know what am i thinking, acting and feeling like the biggest idiot in the history. it shouldnt be this way. what seems like a long time since i had developed this kind of feelings on someone who isnt worth it. yes, who isnt worth it at all. he dont deserve me acting so moody and angry just cos of a subtle remark, a bark of laughter over sensitive issues, and then me, glaring and laughing at the same time, trying to defend myself.. but to no avail. he always wins. i know he is smart, i know that his brain rotates and turn so much faster than mine, i know i’m rather intelligently-challenged, i know he is always out-smarting me. i know he will always have the solutions, always know the right words to say to tickle my laugh genes, and he knew my weaknesses.

another word for it, this is totally and simply ridiculous. just stop it all, and i’m backing away. i deserve much better, i think.

.. but i dont know why. whenever i hear him laughing at me, i got a happy flutter inside. hmm, you’re right. i got to be sick in the mind!