i’m not one of those people who are used to compliments, praises, i’m not. it just kind of feel awkward and all wrong, not to mention hesitating when people sing me a praise, pat me on the back, or flash me a “thumbs-up” smile. it always make me think, ‘they couldnt be joking could they?”. they’re actually sending me some hidden meaning, right?

i found myself yearning for more compliments showering my way, more surprised glints flashing through eyes, more ‘well done, great job!’. i guessed, this is just a humane feeling. we just want to please. oh well, i think i’m just more guarded than other people. it’s just like a self-defense ticker, a firewall or an alarm clock.

tonight, i did take the initiative.

becos his nick is referring to mine. but hello, he did not replied back. what he is playing at, i seriously cannot understand. he simply baffles me, end of story. i did try, i already tried. but it just seems that this time round, i’m just wasting my time.

right now, i’m reading a book i’ve just borrowed from WS library. Second Helpings, the cover read. i hope it will be nice.

sigh, i still cant get over the fact that his nick is absolutely pin-pointing at mine but he’s still not talking to me. i think he is driving me insane, driving me into all those stupid kinds of acts i only used to see teenagers doing. now, i found it in me too. talk about being stupid.

tomorrow is going to be a family-gathering-day! that’s rather nice, isnt it? i forsee lots of yummy food and happy laughter. i need a heavydose of those now. i need to be happy. i need to start pulling myself up again. i need to forget all these nagging feelings of distress snaking around my heart.

*

i hate being green. i hate feeling green. i hate people being one step ahead of me. it’s a sickening feeling. but rather than being sulky about it now, the most important thing i should be be doing instead is to – plan. i need to salvage something, do something. what’s the point of sulking over spilled milk? run, just run faster, and you will soon catch up.

it’s a sunday, but here am i, at home, chewing a mars bar, licking off my leftover McFlurry, carrying Second Helpings everywhere i go. i plucked a few stray eyebrows hair, trimmed my fringe, and ah it seems like my sunday was rather awesome actually :) some thinking-over done!

once bitten, twice shy. make that twice bitten.