11:04am -

today is old boring friday, and here am i, sitting in the office, shaking from the cold in my seat. it’s friday come on! but it’s very boring all the same. probably cos someone is on leave today and as much as i dont wish to admit it, his existence do make a very big difference during these hours. i’m craving a joke or a laugh from him so much right now that i’m telling myself, "you got to be joking."

oh yes, i do wish i’m joking.

and as i’m typing this, i’m yawning with my mouth wide open and the pile of appeals sitting on my left is getting thicker - though today’s stack is thinner than other days. okay, i’m not going to be complaining about the appeals cos it seems to be my only rice bowl for the moment.

oh lifeeeee.

i’m missing you right now - just whatever are you doing? are you awake? or still in your sweet morning slumber?

2:19pm -

today is one of those days that, surprisingly, i got nothing much to do on my list. the appeals tray lay empty, the excelsheets full and my inbox totally zero. i’m incredibly bored, thus another short post. just back from chicken rice for lunch and the food looks hideous. you can jolly well imagine the taste. i’m not having my share of fun this afternoon. the office lacked of something - a certain prescene maybe? haha - and it stays cold, empty and quiet. i want to say this again - i miss him.

12:32am - now

i’m back from dinner at zhong huan and it’s great food. except i seems to have a weak stomach lately - i get full easily and i feel sick if i ate too much. and i’ve been wasting half of my food everytime i ate a meal. this truly got to stop as i’m getting bonier each day - or so my family and colleagues proclaimed.

to tell you the truth, i’ve been checking my phone dutifully for traces of a particular someone’s texts. and - i was rewarded with one half an hour ago. i feel my heart beating faster. it’s crazy. realization dawned to me that he is actually not the sms-kind-of-guy. his texts were both short and vague. and he sleeps rather early mind you. i am not really getting used to the idea that someone is actually sleeping earlier than me. compared to his replies, mine were rather long. does that make it obvious that i’m happy, keen and eager? i hope not. i’m still soured and upset about his hasty remark yesterday on the train. probably he will never know that it actually hurts me pretty badly. oh well, i better try to forget it and get it off my mind. you just cant be taking every negative comment to heart, can you. i know myself and i will change. the truth always hurts doesnt it.

but all the same, there’s this little bubble of happiness bubbling in my stomach as his name flickered over my hp screen. along with unease. i just dont like the way i’m feeling, the way that everything about him is affecting me. i dont sound like me. i dont feel like me. i’m afraid of this me. and something that bothers me:

i think he got a girlfriend.

p.s. i got a feeling i should be deleting half of this entry soon. i should be acting cool. i should keep my heart locked up. no no, i shouldnt start liking someone whom i know i shouldnt. the end, okay?