i dont know; the little blue MSN window pops up, featuring the two faces who used to be categorized under my good friends list. i click it, and now, i’m staring at that little picture on the top right corner sadly. i missed you guys. i missed our KTV moments, our giggles and talks, our movie dates, taxi rides, i missed missed working in K Cafe with you all. now, in just a flicker, a few changes, and then, things will never be the same again. we hardly even talked now. how are you, W? i missed you like crazy. i remembered how we met, in the weirdest place, the hotel i hated working at most. i remembered how we bond over cleaning the manager’s office, polishing wine and water glasses with a linen cloth and a flask of hot water in the kitchen. i remembered how you introduced me to your new job and how i’ve grown to like it there, meeting the few others. how we talked over our crushes, dates, heartbreaks; and so so many others.

i just want to say, i thought about you tonight. it’s funny how i could be feeling sad and happy just by seeing your tiny picture. your smiling faces. you’re happy with D arent you? i’m really glad things turned out fantastic for you two sweethearts. i remembered bumping into both of you in february, and our faces breaking into grins and fingers fluttering in a wave. but we never did speak. if i have that once chance to be your friend again, then, i must be very blessed for sure. for all we know, but that will never happened anytime soon, right god?

i guess.

endless-paperwork-days.

thats my life now. i cant say i’m not enjoying it cos i’m having fun everyday. but the foolish mistakes i’m endlessly making it’s driving me crazy. i wish i can become smarter, wiser, stop my ability of making people laugh at me. a shitload pile of mistakes is pending at the moment. everytime footsteps stopped by my desk, and i looked up, i will see a smuggy smile mocking at me or a pair of serious eyes staring at me, a piece of paper dangling from her fingers. and then, i will feel the dismay - oh just what have i done now?

and this situation seems to be happening more frequently and it’s all in repetition. stop, rewind, play.

i could have come up with a whole lists of silly/funny comments made by me in this 3 weeks. rather too much dont you think? i’m being stupid, im so so stupid. of cos, you can say i’m not stupid, just brainless. okay, acceptable. i’m too tired to argue now haha.

in the midst of working, waking up early, coming home late, sleeping while standing up on the bus, flipping through random stacks of wrinkled paper, collecting faxes, scribbling little yellow Post-It and sticking them all over my CPU, lunching in stuffy hawker centres, staring dreamily at the gorgeous buildings through my window, i just want to say i’m amazed. amazed that how time can just fly without me actually feeling it, amazed at how great it is to meet new people who just click with you, amazed that i’m actually dreading july, when work will come to an end and another untold new journey would begin.. simply, i’m just amazed at what life brings. oh, and i’m too amazed by how many mistakes i can make and stupid things i can say in a single day.

i’ve just come across a nice quote -

"when you have something great going on, dont try to change it. never improve on perfection."

note to self: dont get too envious there. envy is an never-ending feeling. it just keep coming.