at this moment, the girl typing this is seriously troubled. it’s like the Second Round or something. havent i been troubled enough a few weeks back? i thought it was solved then and now, the problem is back and there it stays, probbing on every single brain cells in my head, kicking up a big fuss, demanding an answer right this minute. this very second. of course, as usual, i dont have much choice. it’s either to accept, reject and wait for next july, or reject and dont think of studying ever again. three choices, three different routes, would you pick one now please? of cos, i’m going to write in to appeal by tomorrow or monday, after i have come out with a fantastic reason. the email is 3/4 typed now, and i just need to ensure that it’s decent before clicking SEND. however, i’m not too enthused about my "strong reasons".

today, the trip down SIM was awfully long and sleepy. met up with Jt at 930 in the morning but we were both late haha. barely into 15 minutes, we were out from the SIM office feeling strangely drained and rejected. it wasnt very hopeful, the woman attending to our enquiries looked that part. as much as we wanted to understand, we were both terribly disappointed.

and then, the day ended with buffet dinner at grandma’s house and the food was pretty awesome :) i loved my oh-tahs! spicy hot anyday but the heat’s stirring in my stomach and i’m feeling rather sick now. i had a fabulous time with all my crazy cousins! any anyday, you guys are the love of my life. :)

right now, when i’m feeling the most uncertain, upset and angry, the only thing that i feel like doing besides banging my head on the table was to call him. just to talk. to hear him at the end of the line making stupid jokes, calling me stupid or offering his advices. he’s rather terrific at offering these i tell you. i dont know, whatever he say, no matter how stupid it really was, always felt unusually reassuring. somehow, i love conversing with him, it’s weird. we seemed to be able to talk about any other random thing under the sky and it’s something that i had grown to enjoy tremoudously these two weeks.

this is saying something, isnt it. am i falling. am i am i. but he is really not the type of guy i would have liked, the inner-me objected.

as much as i would like to, no, i didnt call him. as much as i wanted to.