i really dont want this entry to be of a whiny post again. oh god why am i so hesitating, whiny, ranty and worse above all, so damn irritating? in a way, i’m annoying the worse out of myself. i’m just trying to drive myself crazy, over and over, thought after thought, word after word. there’s always something to stop me from performing out my decision. oh, blimey. oh oh oh.

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right about just this afternoon, i heard from my mum and aunt that someone had dreamt about Pa and the dream consists of Pa walking into his living room and writing 4Ds numbers across the living room walls. somehow, i felt angry, probably because i’ve never quite like this someone. i’m angry that he wanted to strike the lottery so much that he dreamt about my father. it’s like… i dont know how i should put it but someone that i really dislike.. dreamt of my father.. giving him lucky numbers.. ? it just doesnt rhyme. oh well, maybe i’m just being jealous and protective over nothing. i really shouldnt go about brooding away what brought up that particular anger.. 

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life is funny; i’m bitterly amused how it always twist around and manage to turn something you thought as well-planned, good, stable upside down with just a single flick. without a warning. it always feels like a slap across the face, like the chilly wind cutting against your skin the moment you opened the window. i hate things that comes without warnings, i hate ugly surprises. dont people learned that they ought to give a warning or a sign before something is about to explode? dont they! it really frustrates me, bringing all my moods down to a minus 10. i would like to be kind to you, seriously, i would. but then, a BAM suddenly, felt really like a harsh, icy slap across my cheek. i really felt helpless about how i should be dealing with this. should i start kneeling in one corner and start to think what the heck have i done to deserve this?

.. maybe i should. maybe i should start kneeling in that corner over there and start thinking why the heck i called you a friend. (though a friend i dont like much.)

of course, you too, are like kleenex. it seems that i only need you when i want to blow my nose. - so i guess, fair’s fair?

but i did try, and i got a feeling that i will be forcing myself to try again.

so, inhale, exhale, *big smile*, lets try again. - alright?