i’m just wondering when out of these few coming days that i will have find a newly powered-up surge of courage to submit my uni application. seriously, i arent fibbing. i’m getting weak in the knees and having trembling fingers as i started filling the online form and then, grow cowardy and clicking the X on the top right hand corner of the window. dont ask me, dont tell me; i know, i’m becoming a stupid nutcase. and it’s all because of this uni matter!

i dont want to have regrets, i dont want to have regrets (chants a million times)

i just had a talk with Mum just now (again) and she kept assuring me that i dont have to worry about the fees and all - and just to go study if i really want to. it feels really good and relieved after hearing her reassurance. but of course, it didnt help erase the guilt and the confusion that comes back after a while. Mum says i think too much, why am i thinking so much, so far away? she asked. indeed, indeed. call me a worrywart.

but by monday, certainly the application must be filled out and sent. asap! i’m giving myself one more final day to rethink if it’s worth it. if it will be worth it. because you will never know, but then again of course you will never know because you didnt try did you. there’s always something to counter-attack my worries and my answers. why life is so frustrating and contradicting and crazy, full of decisions and worry attacks, i will never know. it would be nice if i dont have to make a choice somehow. i’m actually one of those kinds that would love it if people help me make my decision (sometimes lah, not always). maybe it’s because if it ended up being the wrong decision, i will have someone to blame and not myself hahaha. why am i so indecisive ohmygod. dont say, i hate this side of me too, OK. it always ended up with a conclusion that I-am-indeed-a-COWARD. in caps, yes!

today is a pretty much boring day; i slept late last night and i ended up being awake only around noon and for the whole day, i have this dead feeling, dragging my feet around, brushed my teeth and have lunch. and the day ended with my lazing around the sofa, the computer, sitting on a small stool in the kitchen, licking my McFlurry (i loved it) and watching Jas crack an egg to make a batter of dough and flour. she dipped the 贺年糕 into the batter and volia!, you have very nice pastries. (do you called them pastries? oh i dont know!) it was really pretty good, and there i was, telling her to eat one first and 2 hours later then i will dare taste it - if she didnt start getting runs first hahaha. and i ate three :D

i fell asleep on the evening again - i can never have enough of sleep these days. i really need to go out soon, go shopping or a good breakfast or something. it had been ages since i’m out for a good breakfast! normal days i just stuff a piece of bread and cracker or gulp a glass of juice or milo. i’m missing Killiney’s food but it’s weird to go back there. i’m missing french toast with maple syrup the most!! (swoons) but uni stuff must be settled before i go outside to play. and i have to have 4R pictures taken and collected way before 23rd so i can submit my documents together with Jt. so many things to do in such a rushed time!

so how? to do or not to do?

To-do List:
- Submit online application
- Look for a part-time job!

tsk, tsk.

在给我多一点点时间 好不好