somehow, i kept telling myself that oh yes, i will definitely study, i got so much to catch up, and yes yes yes i certainly will study - but tomorrow okay?

and then, the tomorrow never comes. tomorrow becomes tomorrow becomes tomorrow. it’s like something so awful and lazy that i’m forever putting it off, procastinating, giving excuses to my head that oh there’s always tomorrow, isnt it? i dont know whats up with me, it’s so annoying, irritating and scary at the same time. i keep fearing that once i get back to school, i will feel the doom. i know i will. i got so much to do: flash clips, resume, bb report, mcomm lecture - many many things that keeps accumulating everyday. oh.. just what am i doing?

funny thing is, i know myself everytime, i know what consquences i will face, i know i know. but i will never learn will i? then again, everyday is flipping away so fast. the minute i woke up, the computer will be switched on, but i’m not doing my work if you’re wondering. i’m doing everything except work. then later on, i might sleep or watched tv, but never ever - work.

it’s really time i pinch my own cheek and slap myself umpteen times.

strangely enough, i dont miss school, i dont even miss my friends. not really. serious. in fact, i think this will be how it feels once the main exams are over. we will hardly contact after that. but well, that will be for another post in march.

-

i dream of him again last afternoon. and last night, i walked past the cabinet where he had so nicely displayed all those ornaments where he had gotten from all over the places, that i never learned to appreciate before october - and i stood there and cried.

i miss you, it always seems and feels like you’re always up there somewhere, or beside me somehow, watching, smiling, teaching, blessing..

i miss you everyday.