my stomach is feeling all queasy and uncomfortable all thanks to the Qiji nasi lemak i had for lunch/dinner today! arghhhh, it seems to be still somewhere stuck inside my throat and it feels llike just any moment now, i will puke out the remains all over this keyboard. :(

but still, the nasi lemak is good okay!

and before i forgot, MERRY CHRISTMAS to whoever reading this! and here’s a pressie :)

i dont feel practically christmassy this year. there are plenty of reasons why. i dont want to feel christmassy ever again.

what wishes will you make
when the season is near
will your dreams be the same
as they were last year

will you ask for a little
will you ask for alot
and when you make your list
will there be something you forgot?

how about peace on earth
it cant be bought or sold
how about peace this christmas
and someone hand to hold
how about love in our hearts
and hope for you and me
how about peace on earth
that’s what christmas should be

will you get the things
that you’ve been waiting for
snowfall and presents
chior singing at your door

this season will be perfect
like those pictures postcards seem
but is that the answer
is that what christmas really means

what would you sacrifice
what would you give away
for the greatest gift of all
on christmas day..?

will any of the wishes made ever come true?

*

and for this year, all i want for christmas is..

may all my loved ones find joy and little kinds of happiness everywhere and in everything they do!

and there’s one more thing, but that would be a secret.

 

P.S. thank you, Aunt Amelia, for the lovely present of a Escada perfume i found on my bed the moment i came home! what a fantastic christmas surprise! :)

*

Merry Christmas to you, Pa.
is heaven snowing right now?
..it must be really beautiful.

you know what, i’m never buying sweet goodies for anyone ever again! those annoying little creatures that came marching into the packaging and i just threw out a perfectly lovely stars-and-rainbow-sprinkled donut out of the bag and into the garbage bin this afternoon - argh - and in the end, i had to squeeze the entire bag of muffins into the fridge but i’m worried. can anyone tell me would the muffins become spoiled if i do that? hell, i already did that! double arghhh.

since tomorrow is Christmas, we decided to do a little celebratory dinner at Hans tonight. and i tell you, i’m incredibly disappointed with the meal and the surroundings. the fish and chips that i ordered was so oily and greasy that i felt like throwing up after a few bites; the chestnut soup was also very weird (Hao agreed with me but the rest marvelled that it’s pretty good T_T), with random stuff swimming inside the creased creamy base and i just couldnt make myself finished drinking up the bottom of it; and the salad was sour (they agreed, i wouldnt touch that unless my life depended on it!), and the iced lemon tea was very weak and only has a vague taste. the surroundings? a fly kept coming and buzzing around our food! and the waiters and waitresses there just arent very bright. and the whole place just looked untidy and messy and not very clean..

but i will say i still love this dinner because it’s eaten with the people i loved most in the entire world. :)

and the entire trip back on Bus 39, i saw the beauty they make on the trees - the twinkling reds and yellows on it, followed by the random flash of whites.. it’s really lovely.

are you seeing all these too, Pa?

**

right now, there are 2 things that i would very much loved to apply: iBanking and CitiBank Clear Card! woots, i had filled out the credit card form halfway; it just need scans of my ic, student pass and Mum’s ic. Mum had agreed to let me sign up for the card and i even have her signature already! i just feel so lazy to drop by the photocopy shop to get the scans oh somebody kick my ass please. and the iBanking.. ? i wanted to sign it up online but i feared the lousy security internet always brings. okay, so this short paragraph here is to remind myself constantly that i need to get these pending stuffs done! and soon too!

**

i have this new stash of clothes and bags that i had never wore or bring out before. i keep them away lovingly, refusing to wear them fearing that if a special day suddenly comes around, i would have nothing nice to slip into. so, those stuffs are kept for the most busy and special occasions but you know what, the stash had been multiplying and accumulating all these months, still bearing their price tags, but somehow, that special occasion never did come around (what had i been up to all these months?!). and thus, i never had the chance to wear them out. so there they lay, folded or tangled up in piles on my unused bed on the upper decked, along-sided with my bags (small and big, used and unused) and school books, empty paper bags - forgotten. plus some tops are really my favourites but due to their bright colours, i would never get to put them on for at least a year.

bummer for me and yay for Jas as she could borrow and wear them whenever she digs something she likes out. this is really one super annoying habit of mine - i wished i could be other people, immediately wearing their newly bought clothes the very next day they bought it.

right now, i’m stuck with all creams, grays, blacks, whites, greens maybe and.. and.. okay, thats all.

**

i finished The Lovely Bones today. i wished my english is so powerful that i can understand each and every word the writer wrote. but the ending left me feeling stucked, confused and very gray. so, is this ending a happy one or a _______ (fill in the blanks) one? i do not understand it. and i wanted so much to. there’s a reason why i choose to borrow this book, choose to get my hands on this book no matter what: it speaks of death, the stream of events that followed due to this tragedy; it speaks of heaven, of the dead abling to see the living, know what they’re thinking, feel each particular thought; it speaks of not able to let go, the grief that went along everything, the sadness, the helplessness. the grief of both the dead and the living.. the love.. the might-have-beens.

it speaks of so many things that i wanted to know.

but of course, a book is just a book, written by a living - to what extent that whatever she wrote could be true?

i guessed, well, i’m just out seeking for some consolation.. and answers - perhaps?