Whee guess what!

I’m so happy to be home right now. and yeah i went school at 11am and thankfully, the cleaning ladies need to wax the floor of our lab so our meeting ended in a rush. happy, happy, HAPPY! :) and i had macs - yummy fish filet with cheese and soggy fries.

oh yeah, i got work at bloody 6pm later. but still!

and i just bought a 6 dollar magazine that was outdated 3 months ago. call me crazy please.

i wanna cut my hair! stupid fringe. stupid work. stupid colleagues. stupid school. ROAR!

talk about nothing fancy to blog.

i’m too full to sleep.

supposingly, it’s supposed to be a wonderful day and all. but this uneasy feeling seems to be overcrowding my senses and my eyes feel terribly dry and i cant sleep and it all suddenly seems not so wonderful after all.

maybe it’s because the dread of wednesday is falling all over my head?

i wanna blog in chinese suddenly. and i wanna go for heart-to-heart talks with somebody really soon.

今天的天气有点闷, 有点烦, 心情有一点不愉快. 到底是为什么..?

今天她突然对我说: you look like a tomboy!

原因: 我没有在谈恋爱.

没有在谈恋爱是不是对有些人来说, 我就像tomboy一样?

突然间, 我有一种非常奇怪的感觉.. 这是不是一个insult呢.. !

没有遇到对的人, 怎麽谈恋爱啦! *生气*

somehow, i got this feeling that i wont be able to sleep well enough tonight. maybe it’s because of the long, disturbed nap i had this afternoon. or maybe it’s the sound of him playing ps2 in the brightly lit room tonight. i dont feel tired enough to sleep. or do i feel any urge to step in the room filled with soccer/screams/cries/flicks of buttons.. well, i just dont. oh, did i just hear him shutting off the tv? i think it is. oh yay, maybe this is the sign that i should go shut the lights and close my eyes soon.

to get ready for boring work tomorrow. i should really really stop typing all these shit and get to bed. and oh yeah, i suddenly got this urge to change a new layout. but no ideas. maybe i should change back to the old ones.

this is truly, really, incredibly boring. and to think it’s supposed to be HOLIDAY.. ! anything but, if you asked me.

what is it that i really, so really wanna get off my chest? hmm, the dishes on the dining table for example. those leftovers of oily greasy plates. no one bothers to chuck them into the sink or offer to wash them. if i were to sleep right now, and not bothering to tidy them, i expected mommy to be the one cleaning them tomorrow morning. and oh, did i mention i got TWO older sisters? who saw the dishes and just walked away, one sleeping behind the closed door now, and the other, sat upright in front of her laptop killing monsters? did i mentioned?

i guessed, it’s me or mommy who’s gonna washed the dishes.

and of course, i’ll pick me. so yay, it’s me and the oily plates tonight. just the two of us.

oh oh, did i mentioned that i have a father too? who have the cheek to ask me, "why never clean up the plates?" while sitting next to me, flipping through the channels on tv, while happily drying his wet hair with the fan.

i really have such lovely and responsible family sometimes. who of course, dont understand the meaning of "helping out each other" and only abide by their "i’m so selfish" rules.

welcome to my happy family.

和他分開之後，
常常在街上看到某一個男人長得有點像他，就會想起他，
某一個人的髮型像他，就會想起他，
聽到別人唱他曾經唱過的歌，就會想起他，
看到類似他曾穿過的衣物，就會想起他，
經過和他一起去過的地方，就會想起他，
似乎身邊就一直充斥著，所有和他有關的東西，
想忘也忘不掉身邊任何的事物，似乎一直在提醒著你的存在，
常常越想要忘記的事情越忘不掉，越忘不掉的越痛…

sometimes i feel, i should probably say something out before i fly up in any rage when i couldnt keep these exploding feelings contained in my heart anymore. i dont like my privacy being intruded. or maybe i should say, i dont like it when the tiniest space i’ve kept for myself in this over-cramped house, being intruded by any other strangers. okay, so he’s not a stranger. but can you understand how i feel when she bought him over to stay? in our small cramped room? on the floor where i could step on him whenever i wake up? i’m always incredibly thankful that when she brings him over, i dont have work the next day in the morning. when they’re still snoring and whatever nots, and imagine you have to creep silently in your own room, trying to use the mirror, getting dressed? and i have to be bloody careful damnit. i hate it. it’s like, you jolly well know that our house is filled with 8 people sharing 3 rooms and you still bought him over? freak. i’m so angry i dont know why. i’m gulity to say this, but pardon me for being honest, i’m always happy when she went over his place to stay. that’s when i have a little moment of my peace.

why cant she understand this simple fact?

alot of times, i wished i have my own bloody room. then you can bring whoever you want into your room for all i care. but truth is, we’re sharing a room DAMNIT.

some days, whenever i thought about the past, you came into my mind.

and then, i would think, with this dull ache in my heart, oh why didnt i hug you tight enough the last time i’ve seen you? oh why hasnt i snuggle deeper into your arms, clinging to the last of your warmth, breathing in the hugo boss scent of yours? why didnt i cherish hard enough? didnt i tried hard to? oh why didnt i appreciate you more? didnt i tried my best?

it’s going to be 2 years, oh somebody kill me please and still, i’m not so over as i thought. i’m not strong enough to let go completely. i’ve never told anyone the leftover feelings i still had for you. they will sure to tell me, ‘oh how stupid/foolish/silly can you get?’ i dont need this when i know it myself.

and friends of course thought it’s very over. but nights like these, lonely nights like these, i dug up the past and buried myself in.

today is a bad and a good day at the same time.

bad because our project work wasnt satisfactory at all, and the first thing in the morning, we got chided for being late and setting a really bad example, and after that we got dragged to pose pictures for ifc brochures unwillingly. gag! i really hope the photos got burn or something.. imagine seeing your own face in a brochure! *shudders* we have to pretend to fix the cables during lab and i have to stare incredibly long where the cameraman was pointing till my eyes blurred over ^%$^$%^. and for another shot, i have to look at the computer and pretend to jot down notes over my partner’s shoulder. it’s really hard to imagine how tedious models’ jobs are..

on a lighter and happier note, retrieval of images is done! and today’s check-up at the optician is gooddd! and and i just received a belated birthday present! :DD omg, thank you, i’m so happy can.

gonna go work at 6pm sighhhh. but tomorrow i’m off! so i guess i can start singing, "i’m so happyyyyy lalalala~.." now?

i thought of writing out my feelings into this tiny, rectangular white space. but why cant i just put my heart into it?

i’m flipping through no reservations pictures now and okay, i shall upload so i can erase them off my folders! :)

so sweet :)

i think sometimes i find it especially hard to understand. i think i really hate it when people keep asking and harping and saying on the same issue. have i not reply you? oh yes i have but you still keep asking and asking and asking. twice is okay but five is one hell of an annoyanceeeeeeeee. and now i’m just getting annoyed and it is furthur triggered because i’m so grumpy. and grumpy because i had a nightmare just now. people i loved covered in blood and crying somemore. please use your imagination and imagine yourself dreaming about such stuff. creepy anot? i think reading books on vampires/werewolves/twisted fairytales/gore are finally getting onto me.

old grumpy little me.

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we had pizza hut for lunch today. pizza huts’ pizzas arent for me so i just had one slice of their hawaiilian pizza and my curry zazzle baked rice. oh man the cheese! i adore melted cheese to its fullest. yummy omg i’m swooning now. :) 5 glasses of pepsi and 3 cups of soup. i took 1 pepsi and they took 2 each. i love pizza with just it’s cheese and ham really. <3

i frigging hate going back to school.

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oh man, i feel like doing some serious shopping soon! :( i borrowed a book this afternoon :D a book about this girl having a job selling lingerie. eh reminds me why i choose to borrow this book huh.

shopping shopping shoppingggggg!

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and *drumrolls* introducing my favourite biscuits of the year!

the yellow one: Kid-O Creamy Butter Crackers Sandwich! *swoons*
taste superb!! i’ve been addicted to it since secondary school days!

 

and speaking of pictures, i’m still too lazy to upload no reservations pics :(

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i just dont like you that much anymore. :)

it’s sunday and tomorrow means going back to school yada yada yada..

i’m tired, and an agressively unreasonable customer wreck all of our moods tonight. i’ve never met anyone quite like her. thick-skinned, and yeah, what an eye-opener you are.

cat and i had yoshi. and we totally regretted it. meatballs overdosed of bbq sauce? i also know how to make can!

i thought of signing in online today, but screw it, i was lazy. and it feels good to be alone for awhile. and ignore my last post about this particular someone. it’s over. in a silent way, a sudden realization just flipped like a switch in my head and poof, i understood. understood that i’m pinning, still pinning, understood that what i think it was doesnt really was what it seems to be one moment of time. so, tata it’s over, i thought it through within a few messages and i’m willing to forget. it’ll be easy. i mean, who is he exactly? yeah, answer is i dont really know him well, or at all. or maybe it’s the lone feeling triggering up and i suddenly thought i was missing. but nah, i wasnt. not really.

my birthdays was good. 2 birthdays in a row, side by side, i’m in awe. officially 19. it kinda feels good, sad and nothing all at once. i dont know. but i’m happy that this someone remembered though we havent seen each other in like, 3 years? this feels good, oh doesnt it always. it always feels terrific when somebody remembers while it feels so sad when somebody forgets. but it’s always okay, i’ll live. :)

today i realized one very important word that haven been lacking in my life for quite a while: Enjoy. enjoy whatever you’re doing, it’s like if you tried to enjoy something though you dont really, you’ll see things in a different light and you’ll feel your mood lightening, becoming more carefree, more happy-go-lucky. it helps wash the unhappiness away. and i hasnt been enjoying myself for quite some time now. oh boy how pathetic. so today i was tagging bras and tossing them into the baskets, zapping the floor to and fro with the magick cleaner, beaming and helping customers, hanging bras and underwear and at the same time sternly telling myself not to sulk and.. enjoy. and guess what? it kinda works :)))

(omg it’s one now and i haven finished this post!)

one more thing: i’m sucha spendthrift. today i spent a total of hmm, let’s see, 130+35+23=188bucks on watsons, g2000, and 1 month worth of daily contacts. yes, i finally went the optician. at first i thought i’ll just go in and requested for 2-weeks-throw-one contacts and just flee from there. then the bloody optician girl insisted that there are no records saying that my eyes is healed or anything and want me to do a check-up before letting me purchased the contacts. i said yes but my gaze kept going to the entrance, wanting to leap out of the chair and run. but thankfully, 3 out of the 5 ulcer scars are gone(yayyy!) and you cant imagine how happy i was. until the optician said that those 2 are big ones and might be permanent. so i have to follow his instructions and got myself those super uber expensive daily lens at $130 PER month. oh joy, i’m so frigging broke now.

**i got about 20 pics of no reservations pics to upload!** :*)

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im pretty surprised/shocked by the number of people who left comments though i dont moderate them and this blog is supposed to be those private kinds. but yeah, i do read those comments and i have to say, some of them are really nice, thank you :)

he’s online.

.

.

.

 

after all these weeks and weeks and weeks. too bad i’m appearing off. sigh, do i miss you? maybe i do.

i should probably start writing my birthday post today. 19th seems to be such a strange, exhausting, old, boring year. the last year people can legally called me a "teen". oh i’m going say bye to that privellege on friday 00:00. how does this feels? how did you feel when you’ve struck 19 but feel anything but 19? 19 feels so grown up, and i dont really wish to grow up; 19 feels all wrong and i wanna stay 18 forever. i wanna be a kiddy and have people mussed up my hair. oh, stratch that.

i wanna get myself a little something, to remember this day by. oh, what a perfect reason to shop, i’d say.

not many people remember this day i’m perfectly aware. but what touches me and what seems to be the most important thing ever was those people who wished me happy birthday after 12 strucks simultaneously; one after another. and that, is the best present anyone could ever give. and then, you will find yourself thinking, they remembered, they remembered!, before doing a geeky and gawky dance in the living room. out of anyone’s sight of course.

and those people, you know, just happened to be my favourites. :*)

 

***background playing SHE ‘Bu Xiang Zhang Da***

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i will not, i will not start to feel sorry for myself all over again.

feel that, got that, done with that.

and like the saying that goes, ‘once bitten, twice shy’, i tell myself i’ll never trust you ever again.

it’s painful, puzzling, unforgivable, weird, funny, laughable, angry all at once.

i’m too cold now, under the puffing air-con, huddled in my green sweater, the seats beside me empty, and i think,

home is still the haven i feel the safest in.

better there than here.