i’m having trouble starting the first paragraph of this post. should i wrote about sad stuff, i wonder now. or should i jotted down how great i was feeling today? or should i, should i, blog about yesterday? or the many bags that i wanna buy and am eyeing them greedily right this very minute?

or should i, blog about how sick i was during work on friday night? or should i, just copy and paste the stuff i wrote in my hotmail account during school while pretending i’m replying an email to a friend? those depressingly guilty words..

hmm, there’s so much to say.

today is a great day. except that i spotted someone whom i dont intend on seeing right in front of me. and i spun around immediately, my heart thumping loudly as i held my handphone to my ears dialing LS number. it was a shock, a total shock, and aww, how i wished.. but i shant say anything here ‘cause i’ll definitely sound like a love-sick teenager. but i just wanna say anyway, you stirred something in me. something i dont really wanna know what it really is; i’m being too cautious, too calculating, too spoiled to deserve you. i quite dislike myself when it comes to you. i just wanna say "i dont know" to avoid any confusion and trouble. i’m too.. realistic. practical, maybe? can someone tell me why my personality is so.. awful? i hate it so. it’s contradicting but it’s how it always is.

friday night was a bad night. my gastric was so soooo bad that i couldnt stand up straight. and mac’s fish filet didnt help anything, and champagne grape bubble tea only make it worse. i felt horrible, terrible and totally awful that i wish i could somehow faint right there. but i didnt go home, i stay till work was over. and i was saved by a cup of warm milk, those sweet kind. thankfully! i did skipped dinner that night, but didnt i skip all whenever i was working? so weird. :(

oh yeah, harry potter? i watched it. i can only say," i prefer the book much much much more" though i like harry, ron and hermione pretty much. i like the flying scenes too but i hate cho chang. harry doesnt make much of an impact really, and alot of scenes are really too abrupt and lack of something. maybe i just have too much expectation of this movie? but transformers are so much better, trust me. i could watch it over again and again. but harry potter? once is enough, thanks. haha, i’m being so mean but seriously, just read the book - which is so so much better and fantastic. i’m just crossing my fingers that the last book -which is coming out end of july- is not gonna be as bad as the spoilers are already suggesting. if it is, i’m gonna burn the book!

sigh, i love love love love the host club so damn muchie((: it just brightens up my dark grey clouds, it really does. i like things that makes me laugh and this is soooo much better because it makes me laugh, AND it’s incredibly meaningful. at least methinks so. :D

i’m feeling so inferior day by day. i miss my contacts and my straight frizz-free hair. i think i’m going crazy, oh yes i’m definitely going crazy.

i got loads more to say but suddenly, my leg is all pins and needles and i’m wondering what will await tomorrow?

sometimes i feel so incredibly lucky. though few close friends i have, those who i feel really comfortable talking to are really the love of my life. i missed you guys so damn much and i wish we could somehow see each other EVERYDAY like the old times. i missed WS, the library, macs, the foodcourt which held so much memories. but of couse, everything is different now, we had grown up somehow to be older, wiser hopefully and has a life of our own which is an entirely separate entity. even WS looks different now; newer, fresh smells of paint, more shops, and even macs looked different. the moment i stepped in, however, the memories it invoked remains the same. somehow, i wished that place never had to change. somehow, i hoped the feelings wont too, forever and ever.

i wish i never had to grow up so fast. why cant we chose when to grow up and when not to? things are different, in fact so different i’m afraid to face that fact. and as usual, the feeling sucks totally when others probably feel the opposite way around. but it’s a teeny bit comforting to know that you guys still can be reach by the same old number. things changes, feelings grow, thoughts reshaped but those very memories, those old times, remain the same. it saddens me, when i thought about how only memories are what leftover, like ashes, after the fire had died out. are those ashes blown away in a gust of wind? are those footsteps being imprinted in your hearts too?

i.miss.you, simply it says.

-

I looked at your face I saw that all the love had died
I saw that we had forgotten to take the time
I, I saw that you couldn’t care less about what you do
Couldn’t care less about the lies
You couldn’t find the time to cry

We forgot about love
We forgot about faith
We forgot about trust
We forgot about us

Now our love’s floating out the window
Our love’s floating out the back door
Our love’s floating up in the sky in heaven
Where it began back in God’s hands

You said that you had said all that you had to say
You said baby it’s the end of the day
And we gave a lot but it wasn’t enough
We got so tired that we just gave up
We didn’t respect it
We went and neglected it
We didn’t deserve it
But I never expected this

Our love floated out the window
Our love floated out the back door
Our love floated up in the sky to heaven
It’s part of a plan
It’s back in God’s hands
Back in God’s hands

It didn’t last
It’s a thing of the past
Oh we didn’t understand
Just what we had
Oh I want it back
Just what we had
Oh I want it back
Oh just what we had