at that time in my life, i didnt think that i’d ever want to love again
but no matter how painful it becomes,
i want to be able to dream again.
i want to love someone, as family.

these were the thoughts going through my head as
i prayed for Nana to be happy.

-

"Ren?!"
"it’s just an autograph."
"No, i mean you cleared things up with ren didnt you?"
"clear things up.. well.."
"that’s great, Nana!"
"it’s not great at all! how did this happen? it wasnt supposed to become this way."
"why not?"
"i wanted to settle things. i wanted him to let me ended it. what’s becoming of me? i’m so uncool."

that’s what she said, red in the face and all curled up. she was cuter than i had ever seen her before. and i wanted her to be with me more than ever.

-

but i wonder if there’s a place in this world that’s right for me. 
i’m so jealous of Nana.

-

the reason why i started crying without thinking was because i knew that this was Nana’s way of repaying me.

i felt a greater love than receiving a million ‘thank-yous’.

i was so happy.

As i realize i’m not yet an adult but i’m not just a child anymore either, Nana made my childhood dream come true. 

i experienced the warmth of true love for the first time in my life.

-

Nana, do you remember how we met?

Nana,
why cant dreams and reality bring happiness to our lives?
i still dont understand.
we were together for so long. yet, i still dont understand you.
i didnt even notice when you were in pain.

Nana, please forgive me.

even though i know that simply wishing for something to happen will not make things happen,
but at that time, we were hoping that we will be happy when our wish come true.

"i wish hachi will find a boyfriend with long hair, Nana."

-

at that time, i felt so empty.
the world around Nana, everyone shines so brightly.
that’s not something that anyone can achieve.
i also want to be part of their world.

Nana, actually i’m not fine at all.
but i cant just run away like this.
and i dont expect him to say he loves me.
 
walking down the street tonight like every night nowhere to go
no one on the street tonight and no one waiting at my home
watching as my cigarette is spinning smoke into the wind
watching as the time goes by i think about the fix i’m in

only you can come to save me
being all alone has made me..