work had just ended boo-whee :D it was kinda fun, filled with lots of nonsense talks&laughs with kakak while bundling stacks of bra together and stuffing the price tags inside the plastic bags, lots of making faces behind erni’s back, hanging and tagging bras and changing the mop water willingly. well yes, i’m quite happy! except that i’m sure erni and i will never ever click. she’s too fake and she enjoys ordering people around to do her work. ‘oh Ad, can you help me arrange/hang/put this back?’ *roll eyes* i dont like girls like her, and she was even complaining about her bf hitting her just now! and she’s still havent ditch him?, i was thinking. based on her character, you will think she will. i’m sorta freaked out. i mean, hello, your bf just hit you.. ?! nevermind, that’s her problem. she’s toooooo fake! and very well damn irritating. knowing fully well that the mop water needs re-filling and emptying, she said to me before closing, ‘later i vacuum okay?’ normally, wont you ask your colleaugue, ‘do you wanna mop or vacuum instead?’ wont you? she is being so blunt. lazy? just say so. she just has this ability of making me seethed. UGH.

but school is pretty fun! :D i always love it when we worked together, laughing&giggling at the same time over silly stuff. and today is one of those rare rare moments that would be very nice if it occurred regularly. we worked to solve the bloody VS problem and yay hurrays, it’s working beautifully. not perfect yes, but i think it’s good enough for tomorrow’s meeting with NUH staff. lunch was a bummer and the $1.20 chicken rice sucks - too plain and almost tasteless. and the downpour that cause my specs to be dotted with specks of water ruined the way back to school. sighs! can i yell and kick and scream that i wanna wear contacts? can i? and maybe it would come true this time round?

loads of stuff i wanna jotted down in detail but for now, i’m really tired and my back and shoulders are aching and i’m still thinking what to wear tomorrow, so i’ll make this short:

1. andrew came to talk to me after lunch on msn and i cant bring myself to tell him, ‘hello andrew, i’m sorry but i’m just not interested in a guy/man who is almost a decade older than me. thanks and bye.’ but that would sound so rudeee wahahaha. plus he’s always so nice to me and we always get along so darn well during shifts together at killiney. but then.. i’m reallyreally not interested in older men and so, do i have to make it ultra clear to you?
2. i’m really happy to hear that staff from killiney like robin and weiqi have already quitted because i never really like that cafe before. it’s too cold and gossips fly around like what and one minute the people could be talking to you cheerily in such a friendly way and the next, you’ll be looking up at their haughty eyes. oh please, i wanna say. one particular guy younger than me thought he was just incredibly clever and hot apparently ‘cause he is one of the staff working there for the longest time and is the youngest. so he thought just because he taught me something new made him especially smart and dominating? oh please please. act young when you’re young okay? it turns people off. and the aunties working in the kitchen thinks that they’re the eldest so they can boss people around such and such. ew, yucks. elsewhere you guys are nothing, you hear? whats there to be proud of being the kitchen staff of that cafe? and i thought aunties are supposed to be the nicest people around. and the bosses of the place, sigh! i dislike them totally. same reasons as above, just that they’re all-in-one. i’m never never going there back again unless to eat/drink/act like i had never seen them before haha! but i really missed weiqi and i doubt we’ll ever speak again. :(
3. i really would love it when people can eat and talk and chat and laugh and gossip sometimes. what scares me off it the silence we sat in when we eat. really, cold.
4. we had yummy cute cupcakes for breakfast - da bought back alot :D! - and woaaahhh, i LOVE cupcakes! and in school, we had prata cheese sausages which is pretty good too! yay, food.
5. i dont really like the 2 new full-timers though one of them is my new supervisor. i’m seriously wondering how we can get along. thank goodness for lia, cat and kakak :)
6. LS Sale is ending only at september!! %#$@#!!! ohmygoodnes helppp. when i arrived at LS today, the whole shop is this big big mess! september………….
7. some friends have been asking me why i never blogged again/do i have a blog after my last blog. the reason why i liked to keep my life and thoughts private is because sometimes a very dark, depressing and evil side of me emerged in those posts and i dont really like to think how people would think of me after reading it. i’m far from being perfect i would agree strongly and i care alot what people think of me, believe it or not. i’m mean, superficial, materialistic and sometimes so bitchy that i cringed at those thoughts my head is thinking. you can say i’m ashamed by those thinkings and i would really hate it if people start judging me by the way i blogged. thus, this blog is only disclosed to those who i feel can accept me the way i am. can you? but of course, there are many a time i wish this blog isnt so private so people could know how i’m feeling and feel me. this is so contradicting. oh welll.
8. and well, i wished i dont care so much about what others thought of me.
9. okay, back to the host club! :DD

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHAR BEAR :) MAY ALL THINGS GO SMOOTHLY FOR YOU AND ALL UNHAPPINESS BE AWAY! MUACKS!
AND AND THE SONG AGAIN!!

HAPPEE BIRD-DAY TO YOUUUUUUUUUUU
YOU’RE BORN IN THE ZOO!
WITH MONKEYS AND THIS LOVELY ADELINE
HAPPEEE BIRD-DAY TO YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

how long had we known each other? almost 7 years? i’m in awe that time had passed so fast and it really seems like a very long time since we first met. just so you know, i’m always here whenever things gets tough, gets better or whatever come what may :D and here’s to 1548785459 more years of friendship, movies&studying&crapping&dining&lunching&insulting&pinching&poking&slapping sessions and loads more to come!(: wheeeeee, i love you, you love me hahaha!

More gentle moments be yours today,
happy birthday.

*

time is exactly 10PM right now and whee, i’m online, had a 02 mask which kinda smells like peach on and am now having difficulty typing while trying to keep my head up straight as possible so the watery mask wont slide off my face. yes yes, i cant type properly without staring at the keyboard okay? i just had a mini-mars bars and champagne grape green bubble tea and i just went to brush my teeth so i wont be tempted to sink my teeth into my 2nd mars bar sob. i cannottttttt, FAT ADDY, FATTTTT.

yeah.

TOTALLY SLACK DAY TODAY I’M PROUD TO ANNOUNCE, WE DIDNT TO A SINGLE THING, unless you count opening the project up in visual studio counted as doing something :D carbonara is ultra yummy today, the cream goodness, omgosh and it’s really hot for once. kudos! my lovely lunch, though we dont converse much as usual haha. (oh my, my saliva is threatening to drip down from the corner of my mouth because i’m trying to keep myself from twitching a single facial muscle - wrinkles, wrinkles!) and sigh! howhow tomorrow? and the team is going down to NUH for meeting on thursday - please pray that i wont be ultra late for work - and tomorrow dumbdumb miss long and mdm ng might be coming down to view our entire project? and well well, where is my sqlserver CD when i needed it da most? i think she forgot ‘cause she mentioned just now that she might go down if she is free.. hmm.. might? yay.

just so no mood today and my eyes kept blinking in the attempt to read the words off the screen of whatever website i was kpo-ing at the moment. but to no avail, mission fail, FLOP, i went to sleep. to sum it all, today is totally meaningless. i might as well stay home with my host club baby and it wont make any difference. sigh!

it’s really amazing, amazing. hey boy, why is it that you always spotted me in a crowd but i never did the same? and some more, why is it that you can read my expression and ask me why i’m feeling like that? bingo, you guessed things so correctly and it stuns me ‘cause we didnt really hang out much anymore, not like last time and i only know you for what, like a semester and a half? and yet, you’re so sensitive. "hey, why you look so disappointed when bus 8 comes?" you asked. i thought i got the emotion hidden, as i sat back down on the seats, digging for my earphones and stuffing it in, surrendering to the world of music. it surprises me, ‘cause i think no one watches me like you did. ever. it’s weird, it’s queer, it’s such a somewhat subtle and lovely feeling.

i think that one of the biggest problem about myself it that i’m never good at expressing myself. lots and tons of things were left inside my heart, locked and unspoken for the fear of something..? i even had trouble expressing my like for people blah blah. ‘i love you’ is such a hard word to utter, seriously. sigh. and unless i’m in a super moody and bad mood or something, those bitchy words remain stuck in my mouth too. i only used actions to show how much i dislike a person. why cant i say it out? why is this so so hard? are most people like me too? or am i the weird one around here?

right now, i very much wanna tell someone, ‘please stay, and wait. give me, give us a chance. dont backout just because i say so, cant you see i actually mean the opposite?’

HAHAHA.

i’m so pathetic sometimes, havent you realized?

it probably will be much much more easier i guess, if i simply click on your nick and lashed it all out. the aching my heart felt, the longing that seems to be growing every minute whenever i thought of you. but i just couldnt let myself do it.

it’s really funny. ‘cause it always seems that we had nothing much to talk about when we’re face to face. the awkwardness, the fake-ness, the miscomfit feeling i had. but it’s such an irony that i’m missing you, the first friend who talked to me on the first day of school. we didnt click right away, we even drifted apart for sometime and it was art and our common interest of it that brought us closer. or is it that you always come to me when you realized you’re lonely? i liked to think otherwise; that it’s my company that you enjoyed and not that you just need a company, and anyone would do. i’ll be heartbroken, but why am i surprise: the truth always hurts more.

whenever you arent around and i was with someone who knew you almost as well as i did, somehow, i’ll start talking about you, do you know that? wanting to know if it’s only me that you’re getting furthur and furthur away from, or isit you’re getting furthur and furthur away from everyone who knew you back then? the people who surrounds you now are newer faces. somehow, i hoped you’ll never forget us - the old faces. or is it the truth of talking about you lies in the fact that i wanna know every drop of news i could get my hands on about you? yes, i am jealous i admit. sometime ago, you’re always there, eager for chats and talks and outings together. and now? a text that contained a question, left unreplied, deleted no less. oh, what did i just typed? jealousy. oh yes. i feel that. how could you be so happy? how could you? i’m being incredibly selfish, a part of me says, you deserve it. but somehow, another part of me just couldnt stand it. the change. the shine. the beauty. it was like a photo of 2 of us and i’m fading away into the background, leaving nothing but a black shadow, and you only glow more, shining like a star.

what had went wrong?

a part of me knows, -and understand- that i dont exactly miss you. what i had miss was, the someone who had always been there, waiting. someone i can relied on. and i’m sorry i make you sound like a toy but believe me, it isnt like that.

i’m having trouble starting the first paragraph of this post. should i wrote about sad stuff, i wonder now. or should i jotted down how great i was feeling today? or should i, should i, blog about yesterday? or the many bags that i wanna buy and am eyeing them greedily right this very minute?

or should i, blog about how sick i was during work on friday night? or should i, just copy and paste the stuff i wrote in my hotmail account during school while pretending i’m replying an email to a friend? those depressingly guilty words..

hmm, there’s so much to say.

today is a great day. except that i spotted someone whom i dont intend on seeing right in front of me. and i spun around immediately, my heart thumping loudly as i held my handphone to my ears dialing LS number. it was a shock, a total shock, and aww, how i wished.. but i shant say anything here ‘cause i’ll definitely sound like a love-sick teenager. but i just wanna say anyway, you stirred something in me. something i dont really wanna know what it really is; i’m being too cautious, too calculating, too spoiled to deserve you. i quite dislike myself when it comes to you. i just wanna say "i dont know" to avoid any confusion and trouble. i’m too.. realistic. practical, maybe? can someone tell me why my personality is so.. awful? i hate it so. it’s contradicting but it’s how it always is.

friday night was a bad night. my gastric was so soooo bad that i couldnt stand up straight. and mac’s fish filet didnt help anything, and champagne grape bubble tea only make it worse. i felt horrible, terrible and totally awful that i wish i could somehow faint right there. but i didnt go home, i stay till work was over. and i was saved by a cup of warm milk, those sweet kind. thankfully! i did skipped dinner that night, but didnt i skip all whenever i was working? so weird. :(

oh yeah, harry potter? i watched it. i can only say," i prefer the book much much much more" though i like harry, ron and hermione pretty much. i like the flying scenes too but i hate cho chang. harry doesnt make much of an impact really, and alot of scenes are really too abrupt and lack of something. maybe i just have too much expectation of this movie? but transformers are so much better, trust me. i could watch it over again and again. but harry potter? once is enough, thanks. haha, i’m being so mean but seriously, just read the book - which is so so much better and fantastic. i’m just crossing my fingers that the last book -which is coming out end of july- is not gonna be as bad as the spoilers are already suggesting. if it is, i’m gonna burn the book!

sigh, i love love love love the host club so damn muchie((: it just brightens up my dark grey clouds, it really does. i like things that makes me laugh and this is soooo much better because it makes me laugh, AND it’s incredibly meaningful. at least methinks so. :D

i’m feeling so inferior day by day. i miss my contacts and my straight frizz-free hair. i think i’m going crazy, oh yes i’m definitely going crazy.

i got loads more to say but suddenly, my leg is all pins and needles and i’m wondering what will await tomorrow?

sometimes i feel so incredibly lucky. though few close friends i have, those who i feel really comfortable talking to are really the love of my life. i missed you guys so damn much and i wish we could somehow see each other EVERYDAY like the old times. i missed WS, the library, macs, the foodcourt which held so much memories. but of couse, everything is different now, we had grown up somehow to be older, wiser hopefully and has a life of our own which is an entirely separate entity. even WS looks different now; newer, fresh smells of paint, more shops, and even macs looked different. the moment i stepped in, however, the memories it invoked remains the same. somehow, i wished that place never had to change. somehow, i hoped the feelings wont too, forever and ever.

i wish i never had to grow up so fast. why cant we chose when to grow up and when not to? things are different, in fact so different i’m afraid to face that fact. and as usual, the feeling sucks totally when others probably feel the opposite way around. but it’s a teeny bit comforting to know that you guys still can be reach by the same old number. things changes, feelings grow, thoughts reshaped but those very memories, those old times, remain the same. it saddens me, when i thought about how only memories are what leftover, like ashes, after the fire had died out. are those ashes blown away in a gust of wind? are those footsteps being imprinted in your hearts too?

i.miss.you, simply it says.

-

I looked at your face I saw that all the love had died
I saw that we had forgotten to take the time
I, I saw that you couldn’t care less about what you do
Couldn’t care less about the lies
You couldn’t find the time to cry

We forgot about love
We forgot about faith
We forgot about trust
We forgot about us

Now our love’s floating out the window
Our love’s floating out the back door
Our love’s floating up in the sky in heaven
Where it began back in God’s hands

You said that you had said all that you had to say
You said baby it’s the end of the day
And we gave a lot but it wasn’t enough
We got so tired that we just gave up
We didn’t respect it
We went and neglected it
We didn’t deserve it
But I never expected this

Our love floated out the window
Our love floated out the back door
Our love floated up in the sky to heaven
It’s part of a plan
It’s back in God’s hands
Back in God’s hands

It didn’t last
It’s a thing of the past
Oh we didn’t understand
Just what we had
Oh I want it back
Just what we had
Oh I want it back
Oh just what we had

it feels weird, really. this feeling, as i’m typing this out now. it seems that this feeling always tend to drown and engulfs me whenever i click on your blog. it’s really freaking weird. the loss that i felt, the tears that threaten to fall, out of the corner of my eyes, the sudden blow of disappointment, sadness and wistfullness put together. it was really an incredibly distraught feeling and so so hard to describe. everytime i seems to enjoy throwing myself into the arms of your mercy, let you control my thoughts and feelings. everytime i tried to keep in touch with you, it doesnt seems to be working. i left one or two tags on your blog, i send you one or two texts, but.. i get 0 replies. i really hated that you know. i see the pictures you posted - the big wide smiles and the shine in your eyes. how happy you are. without my participation. how happy you are. and i just felt that i had lost a friend again. and i see now, oh this is how it feels.

at that time in my life, i didnt think that i’d ever want to love again
but no matter how painful it becomes,
i want to be able to dream again.
i want to love someone, as family.

these were the thoughts going through my head as
i prayed for Nana to be happy.

-

"Ren?!"
"it’s just an autograph."
"No, i mean you cleared things up with ren didnt you?"
"clear things up.. well.."
"that’s great, Nana!"
"it’s not great at all! how did this happen? it wasnt supposed to become this way."
"why not?"
"i wanted to settle things. i wanted him to let me ended it. what’s becoming of me? i’m so uncool."

that’s what she said, red in the face and all curled up. she was cuter than i had ever seen her before. and i wanted her to be with me more than ever.

-

but i wonder if there’s a place in this world that’s right for me. 
i’m so jealous of Nana.

-

the reason why i started crying without thinking was because i knew that this was Nana’s way of repaying me.

i felt a greater love than receiving a million ‘thank-yous’.

i was so happy.

As i realize i’m not yet an adult but i’m not just a child anymore either, Nana made my childhood dream come true. 

i experienced the warmth of true love for the first time in my life.

-

Nana, do you remember how we met?

Nana,
why cant dreams and reality bring happiness to our lives?
i still dont understand.
we were together for so long. yet, i still dont understand you.
i didnt even notice when you were in pain.

Nana, please forgive me.

even though i know that simply wishing for something to happen will not make things happen,
but at that time, we were hoping that we will be happy when our wish come true.

"i wish hachi will find a boyfriend with long hair, Nana."

-

at that time, i felt so empty.
the world around Nana, everyone shines so brightly.
that’s not something that anyone can achieve.
i also want to be part of their world.

Nana, actually i’m not fine at all.
but i cant just run away like this.
and i dont expect him to say he loves me.
 
walking down the street tonight like every night nowhere to go
no one on the street tonight and no one waiting at my home
watching as my cigarette is spinning smoke into the wind
watching as the time goes by i think about the fix i’m in

only you can come to save me
being all alone has made me..

i’m staring at the screen now. am speechless. many things to say but dont know how to begin. but fret not, today was a pretty lovely day, though work just ended not long ago, and i came back in a cab feeling hungry but happy and pretty satisfied. life seems great when you have things to make you happy, when you have things to look forward to. i love this feeling. and the things i’m looking forward to?

happy (harry) potter movie, happy (harry) potter’s last book, harry potter & the deathly hallows coming out end of this month, nana movie, millennium snow, more shopping this weekend (hopefully), holidays, earning more moolahs, engrossing into more books..  

simply said.

when i was in the cab just now, it was a plump middle-aged man who drove me home. as the cab turned the corner into my drive, i glanced at the meter. it read 4.25. and just then, this rush of sympathy and guilt just gushed into me. a trip and he only earned 4.25? i was thinking. and the urge of asking him to drop me off at my bus stop so i can walk the rest of the way home instead was so strong. ‘cause he wont have to waste time on me and can find more customers who has a furthur destination so he can earn more $. silly me, aint it?

"love is a 2-way street. it wont succeed unless both sides are thinking of each other."

and i long to gather up the stars and decorate my heart with them.

if i were to say,"i miss you."

would you be able to hear?

-

i also wanna be as skinny as Nana! :D

"Too many people spend money they havent earned, to buy things they dont want, to impress people they dont like."

1. i’ve learnt something about fallen eyelashes from cat yesterday: close your eyes, made a wish, and blow it off from your finger, and the wish will come true! haha, so cute lah. sound so silly but you cant blame someone from trying, could you?(: but just as she was telling me the about it, i had flick it off already, arghhh!
2. i had nasi lemak today, ohhh how nice the chilli! and cat got us donuts from breadtalk: vanilla cream with chocolate stripes, oh so yummy looking!
3. i liked it how we could hunch together on the counter top, gossiping non-stop, telling jokes and ghost stories, laughing at mad customers(oh boy, today we met many), or sitting on the floor behind the counter, with the lights off. i just like giggling and laughing and talking and bitching over the silliest things. :D today i’m happy, kway chap for brekkie made me happy, 200 pounds beauty last night till 2pm alone and how i cry and cry at the last part.

-

above is a saved draft, left unfinished on saturday, i think. and what did i left off with? oh yes, 200 pounds beauty zomg. my new love before transformers. it’s awesome yeahhh:D i watched it alone on saturday or friday night i cant remember, sitting on the one-seater sofa with my legs crossed below me, hugging my pillow and nestling my chin on it. it rocks my socks off if i still wore one, it does! it makes me bawl and bawl my eyes out at the last part and how pretty is she! i wish i can cry as prettily haha. man, do those wavy tumbling locks filled my vision with envy and those eyes.. those EYES! hahaha, i think i’m smitten over hot girls. like the L word shane. goodness me, is this hinting that a lesbian i’m destined to be?

oh too bad too bad. hahaha!

I WANNA WATCH NANA MOVIE!!

<33

Lots of things been up this passed weeks and time seems to fly by in a whirl. Much thoughts needed to be penned down, much more feelings were triggered and so less time to blog them out. i love memories, good or bad, funny or heart-breaking, they made me think whenever i flipped back the odd old posts and i’m happy to say,’ah, this feeling is evolving, why arent i feeling like that anymore?’ or ‘omg, this feelings is still there ^%$^#$$@#! ‘ yeah. but often, before i could blog them out and stored them here, the feeling/thought has disappeared and i had lost it. i couldnt remember anymore. and i dont really like that.

and this blog feels so cold and empty today because it seems lacking in something. but what?

i’m happy to say that i’m quite happy being in my own company these days. it’s weird how i had grown customed to being alone. like, walking to the bus stop alone, shopping alone, just staring into the air and thinking about stuffs, blocking everything out. it isnt very fun i supposed; it just that it feels good and peaceful because i dont have to entertain people, making an effort to talk to them and feeling the miscomfit that i’m trying so hard, so so hard to make them happy, make them think i’m such a good entertainer or something like that. and then worrying that they dont really like being with me. if they had a choice, they wont be here, etc. 

like kiwi always says,"insecure or what?" haha!

AND..

transformers date on monday is a great success! :DD SUPERB MOVIE! FANTASTIC! AWESOMEEEEEEEE! just jas, hao and me(: we had nachos cheese and popcorn, finish by sprite ohh yummy. 5th row from the front oh but i shant complain. it’s great. the effects, the graphics, the visuals.. i got a shock a couple of times! jas and i loved bumblebee so much that we went to get bumblebee smiley charms to hang on our handphones! right now i’m trying to find awesome pictures to depict the movie but i cant find any thrilling ones! :( in another post maybe, when i got more energy to find hahaha. oh bumblebee yo! :D i think me thinks that i have alot of $. 3 movie tickets were my treat hahaha. oh no :(

i’m happy yesterday and now i cant wait for harry potter on saturday! movies made me hyper and happy and i cant describe the feeling. :))

tomorrow calls for evaluation at 230pm. happy not? ready not? excited not?

nope, nope, nopeeeee. i’m so stressed today that my head is in pain. so many things were shrieking at me, going,’do me first! meeeee! i’m more important!’ you know? you know?? it drives me crazy. plus the factttt that i’m not happy with.. okay it’s not good to say here. SIGHHHHH @#$@$@! i’m upset, pissed, angry, FRUSTRATEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD. IT’S SUCH A ARGHHHHH RAHHH ARGHHHH FEELING YOU KNOW.

>:((

tomorrow tomorrow.

i’m spending muchies lately. oops!!!!! *slap self*

OMGOMG, MY NOSE FEELS SO CLEAN NOW THANKS TO BIORE BLACK PORE PACK. OH YAY OH YAYYYYYYYY.

tomorrow will be better; and i hope you will wake up feeling beautiful, girl.

-

1. i’m quite pissed off by a text now. &*$%#@! who do you think you are? be nice okay, or you wont know what i’ll do to you.
2. unique friday, spent the last 1.5 hours at badminton court. i didnt play, just watched from upstairs and boy, it’s a fierce fight:D and mdm ng seems pleased with our progress, yay!
3. joyous feeling at work i dont know why. for once, i was happy changing the dirty mop water! weird me.
4. shit, i’ve been spending and spending much more than i earned. shitshitshit. oh no, oh noooooo, someone need to help me lock up my card! swipe, swipe!
5. omg, i got work tomorrow at 10am and i still haven sleep! or intend to sleep.
6. i bumped into Mommy and Gan ma on bus 21 today after i knocked off! we’re soo fated to be :DD
7. hmm, i think i quite like writing in this scattered way, yay.
8. i think i just saw a bag i like OH NOOOOOOOOOO.
9. erni? what kind of name is this? but it suits you erni, o’bitchy one, ‘cause i seriously hate your guts. erni, erni, erni hahahaha, can i laugh at your name again?
10. i’m so mean at mean people these days oh what a change.
11. ohhhh, saturday wear green hor! Earth Day :DDD
12. i wanna mussed up your hair, see your eyes twinkling down at me, and cuddle just next to you, boy.
13. so, can i?

XO
:|
:)
:D
:DD
:DDD
:0
:|
:(
:((

1. It’s ridiculous i know, that a person’s emotions can be changing so fast in a mere 12 hours. but mine did, and i felt so disappointed at the end of the day. i really really hated it so when people made you happy at first, and then they took back their words and you felt even more worse and wished they had think thrice first before making you happy. kakak actually gave me 2 weekend off this month when i requested about having 14th july off for harry potter (but of course i said it’s for school), and then she said she gave me another sunday off the week after. boy, did those words made my day. i cant remember having all the time to myself on a weekend for AGES. but guess what? she changed her mind and said to be fair, she’ll give it to cat instead. ARGH. it’s like, what the hell? THINK before you tell me! it made me feel like someone gave me my favourite toy and then came back and snatched it off! RAH!
2. but okay, calm down dear, at least you can still be free to watch harry potter on 14th july! :D
3. :(((
4. ahhh, screw it.
5. i’m happy because i’ve never been so hardworking in lab.. till today :D we accomplished so many things! Ping’s update record works, that cleverrr girl :D, Dayah’s inserting the forms hurrah, and my tabbing is all well and almost finished! oh yayyyy, this calls for some champagne popping! mdm ng seems delighted when we told her, haha. and she knew.. it’s her "fierce" comments in RED that she wrote in our weekly reports today that spuns us into all this maniac-ness, mixed with fear, urgency and freak-outs that we managed to do sooo much! and we went, "ha-ha-ha-ha" in dry laughter. OOPS! i’m so proud of us(:
6. sigh, jas’s returning Fantastic 4 Part 1 and The Messenger to the VCD shop tomorrow, and i haven have the time to catch them yet! :(
7. TRANSFORMERS! has everyone catch it yet?
8. my blusher broke a few months back, bronzer broke a few weeks back, small plastic container containing my cream broke today. and guess who are the cultprits? there’s only one: my lovely sister. so what’s she gonna break next? my leg?
9. tomorrow is steven tan’s self-proclaimed sports day. basketball, football, running and whatever. which should we pick? i’m not in mood for sweaty underarms tomorrow thank you very much. is sleeping included in whatever?
10. to make myself happier tomorrow ‘cause it’s a FRIDAY and i’m stuck working after school while others zoom happily to town and catch my dream movie The Transformers, i’m gonna stuff myself with bubble tea. oh how poor thing :(
11. oh, in case you dont know, next friday is FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH.
12. on the last note, i hate my skin.
13. and something to look forward to:
    - Monday: The Transformers (hopefully)
    - Wednesday: PR1 with Steven Tan (SAY EEEEPS WITH ME PLEASE)
    - Saturday: Work + Harry Potter = OHMYGOODNESSONE!!!
14. P.S.i keep typing harry potter as happy potter HAHAHAHAHAHA WHATS WRONG WITH ME!
15. P.S.S.okay, funny.. not.
16. P.S.S.S.my heart feels broken i wonder why.

come again, wednesday, goodbye and hello thursday.

1. my skin feels tight and yummy!
2. i currently have 3 mosquitos bites on my arm at the same area, some on my legs and one on my left hip. ITCHEEEE
3. everyone’s swooning about how great&fabulous transformers is, okay okay enough, I KNOWWWWW. monday come quickly! i think i’m in love with the transformers before i even watched it :( thanks, guys!
4. rented 200 pounds beauty but no time to watch it yet boohoowoo
5. lets pray and hope that kakak will grant me off on 14 july for Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix! tickets are booked already and i really reallyyyy wanna go!
6. i keep spending and buying and spending and in the end, i sat on the floor in the middle of the room, wondering where all those junk come from.
7. A*star coffee shop seriously has the most unique, pretty and nice-tasting toast ever! instead of the normal boring kaya butter, they heaps up blueberry or strawberry jams, peanut butter, milo powder along with honey stars, flooters, cocoa crunch, and other cereal! ohmygoodness, please pardon me while i drool now.
8. sometimes i wished i have blond hair or brown tumbling locks, taller build and lashes that dont need curling like those cacausians have, hahahaha
9. i absolutely love and adore sgsecrets. there’s nothing more realistic than that seriously. it makes me feel better that there are tons of people out there feeling the same way as i do. and that i’m not weird, unwanted, strange, alone as i thought i was. many of the secrets just spoke to me and my heart was screaming, "oh yesyes, this feeling!" in agreement. ohwells. ask me and i’ll probably find it hard to admit!
10. damn these bumps on my face. i just did a mask, and now, i’m going to wear this eye mask to sleep. i hate my flawful face, those scars, i hate these damn dark eye circles and deep eye bags whenever i laugh or smile, UGH. and these masks dont seem to help much. i’m so unhappy and disgusted!
11. right now, i got 3 books to finish, lucky me. :D A Place Called Here which i rented weeks ago is barely just passed the 2nd chapter, Jemina J is halfway through, and i just finished a chapter of In Her Shoes on the bus just now! :D
12. mdm ng is gonna come tomorrow, i knew it.
13. thanks to Mommy dear for helping us tidy the cupboard which deem as an impossible task until you sprinkle your Mommy magic on it :D
14. i wished i could go out with you, Mommy, just the two of us, shopping, eating, talking, laughing; and i realized i’ve forgotten when is the last time we did that?
15. i did miss you, friend, though i’m too thick-faced to mention anything but i remembered the times you&i went out together and and have a brilliant time and i wonder to myself, how come it doesnt happens anymore?
16. august 9th is coming which means sg’s bird-day which means pweetaye fireworks splashing through the dark dark sky and i had witnessed the last 2 fabulous fireworks displays the last 2 years. amazing, fantastic, lovely, heart-smashing, just just speechless. but this year, i can already feel the difference. boyfriends, commitments, how is it ever going to be possible? i would cry if i miss this one. i really would.
17. friend, i know how it feels, i really do. though many a time i hardly mentioned how dear you guys are to me, without having to speak it out aloud, you guys are always always in my heart. i thought about those times we spent together, laughing effortlessly, either at something dirty or just plain stupid, i remembered them. i missed them tons. the memories we built, the times we shared, those precious moments, are indescribable. the joy, even when we’re "suaning" one another, makes me feel contented. i got this feeling that no one else would ever make me feel the same way as you guys did, ever. but sometimes i do fear. memories become painful when the distance starting pulling us apart. when one of us dont feel the same way anymore, the bond feels broken and things felt awkward. i hoped this will never happen to us. but sometimes i’m scared to get too close ‘cause what if one of us doesnt feels the same way anymore?
18. i miss you; i thought about you today, how far you are away from me, how much i wanna see you, wanna catch a movie with you, wanna shared a dinner with you. to hear you talk and laugh right in front of me. i’ve pictured this scene countless and countless of times, but i think it’ll never happen ‘cause i knew you have given up hope on me.
19. i think i need to be stronger, to be more responsible, more lively because i’m feeling so dead right now.
20. i took off my specs for a brief moment this very night, after i climbed off the bus. the world suddenly seems much brighter because all i see are colours of red, green, yellow lights everywhere. any other things is a total blur. i think i kinda like seeing the world like that sometimes. in this way, i need not look into things too clearly, and this is when ignorance comes in. it’s good you know, to pretend once in a while, to see through things that you dont wanna know; the world is sometimes cruel, you cant deny.

i typed a few sentences just now before retreating to the bedroom for some relaxing mask therapy. and guess what happen? baby xavier and his itchy fingers happily click the switch off. sigh! i was quite pissed that i went to smack him.

okay, back on track, i wrote about school. how it seems like a drag and no words could have describe the horror, the torture, the nauseous feeling i had whenever the night had fallen and there it rise, a brand new morning. how not to feel dread you say? when most of the time, i either stared at the screen displaying the visual studio page blankly and watching the cursor blink back at me questioningly, or should i describe how i crossed my arms over one another and surrendered to a bleak, disturbed sleep? fatigue, so very much today. i think i spent more time trying to stay awake than tackle another application/task that i dont understand. enlighten me will you? i dont know what’s going on, what mdm ng was rattling away yesterday and oh, how i wished i caught her flu bug today when she stood behind me talking in husky voices and blocked nose, oh how i wished i was tucked up in bed with Jemina J in bed for company and i swear i’ll be contented seriously. just anything but asp.net please. i need a break!

all those wasted moments, spent clicking and surfing websites, listening to songs and chatting on msn when the time could be spend on more GUIs, more debugging, more fruitful discussions; very well done, addy. i’m so proud of you. maybe it’s time i pulled up my hair, drink more bottles of chicken essences or coffee, zipped up my jacket and begin typing furiously on the keyboard with the screen displaying visual studio instead of any other random sites, with my nose buried inside a asp.net book and jolly well, GET SOME WORK DONE. oh, how very exciting. i cant waittttttt.

frigging school aside, i just chanced upon a website where there are many korean dvds! ohmygoodness. just the right thing to distract me from the intense SIP now, oh yayy. i wanna buy some shows, should i? it’s frigging freaking cheap okay. and prince hours s is out, shrieks!! i wanna watch, oh god i’m getting this flutter of excitement inside my stomach right now. yes, as they described, butterflies! OMG. should i, should i? i still havent start watching why why love! and engagement of love! and and finished up wei xiao pasta and corner with love! all currently stuck at the 10th episode, goodness. and i’m very kpo and went to see which are the most popular dramas that people are throwing moolahs at:

1. Korean drama - Prince Hours S
2. Korean drama - The Lucifer
3. Korean drama - Que Sera Sera
4. Korean drama - Witch Yoo Hee (funny name huh?)
5. Korean drama - Hello Baby
6. Korean drama - Jumong Prince of Legend

almost all korean dramas! i guess korean shows are really super popular right now? all looks so nice! :D *rubs hands gleefully*

ANYWAY,

2th July marks a special day for this particular person in my life. i think i’ll remember her birthday forever. i emailed her a birthday message but so far, there’s no replies from her. sad isnt it? indeed i was. but what matters is she got my blessings and well-wishes (send in a mail), and if she didnt click it or check her mailbox or even chose to ignore it, then i reckon.. it’s fate. i just wanna say here, though, friend, we got so much differences separating us, i’ll remember those days forever.. those reckless, rebellious stuff we’ve done and those silly mistakes we’ve made when we thought it was so cool then. of those swearing days i cringed whenever i thought of it now, those laughter, smiles, punching each other and sitting on your doubled-deckered bed, those talks.. the list could go on and on.

i’ll never forget. :*)

-

strangely enough, i get pissed off at the tiniest things. but i cant write what pisses me off here, in an unlocked post, so i shall rant it out another time when i couldnt stand it anymore.

and and, i hope you girls had fun! :)

GUESS WHAT’S UP NEXT? :DDD

<3

See?
You should have listen to me, baby
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Because
What goes around, comes back all around

-

Cause if you only knew what I felt for you
You would have held on tighter
Fought a little harder
Been a little smarter and now you’re gonna miss my love
And one day soon you’ll see
You’ll reach out for me
Boy you had a keeper
Didnt know how to treat her
Should have felt a little deeper and now you’re gonna miss my love

ah, i’m happy-gappy :D
yay, i’m all happy-welly :D

a 360 degrees change from afternoon yes? should i tell you why i’m being so happy? or should i keep it to myself and you can guess? okay, it wont be exactly a secret anyway if i keep numb. the thing is.. i went shopping with Jas! say wheeee please. it brightens my mood tremendously and left me so happy that my face is frozen into this :D since i came back home! am i so materialistic, yes? but you cant deny that touching new, bling, brand new things dont get you all excited! plus the scrummy yummy sales.. yum, i can lick it off my fingers! hahaha. okay how gross, but i didnt get much stuff, except this 10% off necklace which is so cuteeee that i couldnt say no to. i picked it off the hook, admire it, put it against my top in the mirror, put it back down, gazed at it again, picked it up again and squinted at it, put it back again, say thanks to the sales girl and got pulled off to buy bubble tea. and not before long, i was back again, sipping and chewing away my green apple green tea and telling the sales girl, "yes, i would take this please." okay, i didnt exactly sound so polite but i got the necklace :D let it be a cheer-me-up okay, so i wont feel guilty. no i wont feel guilty. yeah right, how many necks do you have addy?

metro is having a crazy sale filled with lots of crazy people and we got stuck in the crazy jam. nothing lovely actually but the place was still maddeningly crowded? hmm. we window-shopped alot and squealed at pretty things and i was eyeing bags, tops and accessories with a mad gleam in my eyes. i can never get enough shopping! if only my wallet is fat enough, hahaha. we went into LS and kakak saw me and went, "you! go in and change your uniform now!" hahahahhaha.

and and, after stopping at so many shops, i finally found the handphone strap i’ve been looking for, yayness!

the only unhappy thing is we didnt watch transformers today. i was so incredibly sad, but nah it’s okay. there’s still next week! (:

-

school gets me all fed-up. it sucks so so much that it’s a drag. it sucks even so when you feel lonely even when there’re friends around you. and i’m feeling all weird, all lonely, all upset over untrival matters and my hormones seems over-cooked or something. i’m missing a particular someone pretty much and the urge to text over a sms is making me struggle every time i think about it. yes, i think i like you okay? except i think it’s too late to bother anymore. karma, anyone thinks?

200 pounds beauty could make me a very very happy girl right now if i get to rent it soon :D i cant wait.

But if you wanna cry; cry on my shoulder
If you need someone; who cares for you
If you’re feeling sad; your heart gets colder
Yes I show you what real love can do
If your sky is grey oh let me know
There’s a place in heaven, where we’ll go
If heaven is, a millions years away
Oh just call me and I’ll make your day
When the nights are getting colder and blue
When the days are getting hard for you
I’ll always stay by your side
I promise you; I’ll never hide

on the way to school, ipod on, a particular song suddenly made my eyes welled up and i was shocked with such a huge wave of emotion clouding my senses and making me numbed. the same old song. the same old story. the same old tune.

would you like to listen one more time?

Today I feel kinda good and fullfilling and kinda sad and disappointed. is it possible to have so many emotions mixed together?

Today I treated Daddy, Mommy, Hao, Jas, Er yi for dinner at aijsen :D it was supposed to be a father’s day dinner which i owe him but i felt a teeny unsatisfied because he didnt seem to enjoy the ramen :( and i was too busy wondering and worrying and looking at him to see his reaction after every bite that i didnt really enjoy my own pork curry ramen. do you think he enjoy it? do you? do you?? after all, it’s a treat for him. :(( the feeling that you know someone is faking things by crooning,"ah, i lovee it." but you know that they really dont, sucks. but then again, when they’re being honest sucks more. ahh, the contradiction!

i’m so sad lah. :’(

but a happy thing was.. jas made me a crystal angel to hang on my handphone! :D pweety yeah!

so sweet, angel LEH :) must be me! :)

and and, might be catching transformers tomorrow!! :DD boy, i cant wait!

x

i dont know, i dont think you’re as nice a person as you look. are you? hmmm. i’ll sit back and watched.